Memory assistance

shake, rattle and roll

2012-01-31T19:34:00.003-08:00

I am an animal, no different than any other animal

I wake up and do what I need to do

To survive

Then I do what I need to do

to feel alive

I am an animal

driven by instinct and habit

I love and hate

on a razor thin edge

but mostly

I stay away from the fence, if possible

I'm driven by forces that can't be explained

in simple terms

day after day I repeat what I need

with my animal instinct and

a bit of greed

yet I sit in a cube

and re-arrange bits and bytes

to fit the needs of those in need

strange engineers through time

have presented solutions to problems

that end up needing solutions

I can't sleep with all this nonsense

but I have a cocktail

that nudges me into rest

I know people that I really don't know

I am someone who isn't really known

yet I go

on and on and on

seeing my face change

knowing what's in store

I've seen it before

the habit of living

is hard to break

work till you retire

and then it's your wake

statements, conclusions, goals

fuck me

contempt for what I see

..................................

shake, rattle and roll

it's tomorrow

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AohLQPTlbOA

Dual Sporting in January

2012-01-31T17:50:00.000-08:00

Jesse and I tried to get to Virginia City in the dirt. Didn't work so we backtracked and got there on the road. Was cold...The kinda cold that sticks with you when you get back home....If you're curious, check out the vids that are un-edited(let em load)....In time I will edit this down to 1 good video with music.....Keep in mind that Jesse's bike was made in 1974 and mine in 1994.....Jesse's bike is older than him. This is not gonzo it's vintage gonzo....

http://vimeo.com/35816770

http://vimeo.com/35816989

http://vimeo.com/35816189

Ya knew it was coming.

2012-01-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

The world of instant information has now included info of your 200 best or worst friends via facebook not to mention the latest crap you need to read just to get to your own email. Ya don't have to but mostly you need a home page to get to it and that home page has world events in blocks...Those blocks of the latest missing kid, celebrity fuck up, stock market lies all add up to stress that takes no more than 10 seconds to digest.

Concerning FB you now know their every hangover, every downfall or inspirational moment....Watch as they workout while you don't.....The unseen affect of this one thing is gigantic...The obligation is enormous. .It's addictive and fun, yes...I've had mine, but at some point you have to question the implications and information that you are presented with. We channel surf and now we people surf...

I am not guaranteeing anything but I hope to rid myself of FB. I'm going on almost 2 weeks and it feels much better not poking around or prancing around.....

There was a time when things were actually a real event. Photography. It was a process with thought and art and I'm not saying it cannot continue but what I am saying is that it's far too easy to snap and load without changing the settings of our point and shoots. Hasn't been that long since the term f-stop and shutter speed are absent from the photographers vocabulary....just 1 example. Dating is another as well as sex. We show our cocks from the stratosphere without actually finding somebody who really wants to see our privates.

We force ourselves onto each other in so many ways. We're overloaded and I think there will be repercussions. I couldn't predict what they might be. I think in the comfort of your own bed you can see the world but that doesn't mean you are actually engaged. A conversation is engaging whether online or in person but taking it to the next level and actually being present is an entirely different thing. I won't even go into smart phones other than they are a wonderfully addictive tool as beer is for me. Good luck looking down and not around.

I think facebook is basically thanksgiving dinner over and over again....Home for the Holidays comes to mind.

New Year

2012-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

This is a new year...This is the Crystal Bay Club with Jim/Jackie ...seeing Jackie Greene.....

http://vimeo.com/35040262

Have a lot to say.....in spurts...

Cheers 2012...

Perfectly Lonely....

2011-03-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

John Mayer couldn't have said it any better....it's not sad or happy, just is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5owMoJomKcI&playnext=1&list=PLF359A705999FC352

Had a little love but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game round town
Tore out my heart and shut it down

PRE-CHORUS
Nothing to do, nowhere to be
A simple little a kind of free
Nothing to do, no one but me
That's is all I need

CHORUS
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

I see my friends around from time to time
When their ladies let em slip away
And when they ask me how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say ...

PRE-CHORUS
Nothing to do, nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be
Is it really hard to see?

CHORUS
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I'll have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong

[INSTRUMENTAL]

CHORUS
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely, yeah
Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs --

That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it
That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it
That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it
That's the way, that's the way
That's the way that I want it

God

2010-12-20T09:53:00.000-08:00

Who are you? Does it bother you that a significant portion of the planet is killing each other in your name? Does it bother you that people give thanks to you when they are surrounded by the less fortunate? The idea of a person in the sky that has 1 ounce of control is as idiotic as it comes if you look at the state of mankind on this planet.

People praise and give you thanks but are somehow afraid to curse you. I can't curse or be mad because I don't think you exist in any form that I could perceive. If you exist in a form I can't perceive how can I know or be afraid of you?

I can only imagine if I were the Christian god and sent a savior to earth the both of you must be doing back flips in bewilderment saying, 'nooooo, that is not what we meant!' The only thing that is of interest to me is my conscience. I don't know how it knows right from wrong and has for a long time. It wasn't just my upbringing. In my mind if you exist, you exist as that. Believing in written text that comes to me 4th or 5th hand at best by people who proclaim to know how my brain and heart should be aligned is total nonsense to me. It makes sense to others.

When I die I will not fear judgement of anyone or anything. Trust me on this. I'm hard enough on myself for 1000 gods.

It's simply a shame so many people kill in your name....and if you do exist I think you should be the one in fear of judgement.

Enough said,

Merry Christmas - as it would appear that Jesus was one of thousands of decent people born to this earth and I can't fault him for your timing and strategy.

Time Warp

2010-10-13T17:01:00.001-07:00

Watched a documentary yesterday called, 'War Room' about the 1992 presidential campaign for Bill Clinton. It featured George Stephanopouloss and James Carville. Interesting how Carville is so politically incorrect. Love him or hate him, he says it how he feels. What is striking is how much time has gone by since. Seems like it was only last week everyone was imitating Ross Perot.

It's just a mind warp for me to think of the issues that were talked about were exactly the same issues that we talk about today. 8 years of democrat, 8 years of republican....Can you really tell why and and when you were better off? Put a different coat of paint on the same ol piece of shit car and call it better....right....I specifically remember when Carter was president and older friends of mine couldn't afford a home because of interest rates. His fault or not..? This isn't a political statement as much as a question to who was in office when you felt you were doing good or not so good.I hear a lot of banter by pissed off people about who's running things and I just wonder if they just like taking a side because it's more comfortable,,,, or they can put their finger on the politicians who while in office, made their lives miserable. I generally, as a middle class white dude can't tell shit from shinola. Yeah, I'm pissed too but I'm pissed at the car and not the color of paint that hangs on it. I'm not running for office and have some drunken picture of me in Vegas show up in some campaign add. 'Do you really want this guy making your decisions?' I'll bet you have the same pictures.

Onward -

I never heard the word email. Mostly they were looking at faxes. The tv's of that time weren't much different than the ones our folks had. Cell phones...ha ..They had some bricks. The technological advancement is stunning on 1 hand and sad on the other. Kids these days(not all) have the option of being really soft. I totally understand our parents saying they walked uphill both ways to school. I've seen it with my own eyes, kids are more excited about the latest phone than the latest bicycle, dress or whatever...(we'll get to that later). It's easier to write 1 time on FB than 20 times concerning important events. Almost like the greeting cards you get from the morons who take awkward pictures and drool their yearly accomplishments. As if staying alive wasn't good enough. I see both sides. I can have all my music on a small device but then I gotta make play-lists...easy compared to making a cassette tape from an album but those cassette tapes are still with me today even while deteriorating. I guess there is the gluttony factor. Too much to keep track of.

Bicycles - 1996 I bought a used 1995 model Trek y22. One of the finest bikes of the time. Later to be buried and hidden for some traits I never felt. Brake jack, stiffening up while standing...the list goes on. The bike was light at 25 pds and I've yet to build a lighter full suspension bike. It held up to all the abuse I gave it. Now we have disk brakes and suspension that changes and changes back. I have friends so disgusted with it they ride rigid. Back to the mid 80's on that one. Not me. I'm full steam ahead with something to be named at a later date.

I look back on that period(90's) as some of the best days of my life and watching the show reminded me of it...The normal gain/loss you would experience after 18 years of living. It's just amazing to think that now most folks have 1/2 their music library on their phone, better camera and the ability to call from almost anyplace on a fucking phone. It's no wonder kids are so excited. My father would have tripped out and it's only been 6 years since he passed.

I suppose as I write this the idea would be that technology can solve some old problems but with it brings on another set that nobody can comprehend.

Peace and Love..Peave and Love...Ringo Starr

Watch out, you might get what you're after.

2010-10-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

I've found that I'm less mad when I'm doing something, anything, even work than I am when I'm scanning the internet for anything. Invariably I will run across a headline that pisses me off or a stupid post someplace.

They say ignorance is bliss but ignorance has no ability to effect a change. What do I want changed and what pisses me off. Depends on the day I suppose and what battles I've fought on those given days.

Idea #1 politicians before becoming elected must go thru at least a 6 month(paid out of pocket) world preparation course. A crash course in Theology, Political Science, spend some time in a hospice, a pharmacy and any other place you can think of that will make them stop taking 1 for the team and think for themselves. Cops, fireman and many other professions either do a crash course or need a serious degree. The only thing a politician needs is a smart haircut and an ability to play for a team. 1 came to the house yesterday and I sprayed him with Weed and Feed.

Burns my ass story - Dr gives me a prescription for 15 days for sleep aids. Yet I can only get them filled every 23. Catalyst Health for ya. Pharmacist said they are so bad I should file a complaint. I log-on to the consumer affairs website but there is no funding for that anymore. Who in their right fucking mind thinks health care in this country doesn't need to be fixed. I'll tell you who. Healthy motherfuckers who've never had to deal with it. My point is not only financial. It's also ethical and those of you who've been around to see the unnecessary treatments doled out on the dying will know what I mean. If I'm dying, please just send me home with some painkillers. Don't take the last 6 months of my life away with needless treatments even if those treatments don't cost me a dime. This is the point - they make money for almost everyone involved.

I guess knowing who to help and knowing who is using the system is a big challenge. Seems like they care more about if you water your lawn on Mondays(yes, I saw a ticket being written) than they do if you're getting full time disability without being disabled.

I guess I won't go on anymore...some people call it a kaiser blade but I call it a sling blade... ummmmmmmmmm.

ps. ..the stupid motherfucker who thinks this has become as socialist country. We've become something even worse! When 5 percent of the folks control 95 percent of the dough I think somethings wrong. And the people are mad at the government for not making jobs. How bout those 5 percent that do their business in such a way that it puts farms out of business, ships other business overseas and has bottom line efficiency as their only goal. And these 5 per-centers are so smart they run everything yet lead you and me to believe its either the Republicans or the Democrats causing the problems. While we're out bashing each other over politics they're out doing what they do.

A visit to my mothers house.

2010-08-09T20:57:00.001-07:00

a day not long ago but far away
the smell of a familiar house
up the steps to a warm hug
how you doing
supper, laughter and love
living rooms, cigarettes and furry babies
backyards, birds and feeders
rag mags, beers and silence
hugs goodbye until the next time
a day not long ago but far away

Thots...

2010-06-21T21:49:00.001-07:00

Immigration - just a few quick thoughts..Not living on a boarder state I might get some input from those who do before I spout off.... but I will anyway..If I'm shaking in my skin just trying to get a new Nevada license it might be OK for somebody who just walked over the boarder to have to show some paperwork...I've heard the folks that do have the wherewithal to be in this country are pissed at the people who don't have to show proof. If we can't get into their country why should we let anyone in....You see...this isn't a Republican or Democratic idea..Its' common sense...

Along those lines the unemployment rate in Nevada in now 14 percent.....You wanna know why? Who cares I'm telling you....Because government has taken away our survival skills. 1 week you get more and the next you don't. It's my firm belief that 2 years unemployment is enough. At some point you have to get off the couch and take the jobs the so-called Mexicans are taking. I just talked to a small business owner in Carson and he said the new minimum wage rate is killing him as well. Who's making the decisions that make an entire town an empty storefront? Carson City is well on it's way to a ghost town. On 1 hand I don't care since I have no family here but on the other I think it's a beautiful city and I would hope a few wise folks figure out it's destiny.

The other thing that strikes me as odd is that most of my friends who own small business's have to be republican to survive. Just for that reason. Business. It has nothing to do with their humanitarian beliefs.

A country fucked into 2 choices and neither has a big enough dick to make a solid LOGICAL difference...

When will government be by the people for the people..???????

3 years ago today.

2010-06-09T21:28:00.000-07:00

Been 3 years today since my ma died in the hospital on a quiet Saturday evening in Maryland. She'd been struggling with the will to live for a period of time. She stopped eating and became so weak she couldn't walk so off to the hospital she had to go. What turned into a nourishment visit ended in pneumonia and death. Hospitals are no place for the weak.

My mother always knew when to give me a push and in later years I tried to return the favor. I'm not entirely sure I succeeded but who's counting. It's hard not to become angry at times and I was more than angry on more than 1 occasion. When someone won't eat it's maddening but that's how it goes for a lot of folks.

One day she is semi lucid and the next she's pretty much out. My sis warned me what to expect before going in so I went straight to the liquor store and bought some Jim Beam before entering the automatic doors of life and death. Docs said on Tuesday she pretty much had a day or 2. They didn't know my mother. She was on morphine and nothing else and I think she was in her own little heaven before she took off. She lived on morphine and nothing else for 5 days! She hung on until Saturday evening around 5pm.

When the docs say a day or 2 you think, 'l'll just stay the whole time' so that's what I tried to do until I became a walking zombie. I finally took to going home at night and coming back 1st thing in the morning.

Saturday evening with just Ellie and me in the room the nurse said she thought it was time and sure enough it was. It was very peaceful. Few last breaths and then things stop. We walked out into the evening and it was surreal. No mother, no real direction. It's a relief on 1 hand but on the other you know you're at the bottom of a mountain and the top layer of snow is about to let loose. And it does. You slowly crawl out of the darkness and begin life without something. Time heals and if you're lucky you have good friends and family to help and I was very lucky.

I like the fact that your healed but you still have scars and those scars make you a better person. Empathy is easier than it ever was. I'm more sensitive than I ever was and I don't mind. If something moves me to tears it's a pleasure and not something to hide.

Cheers to my mom for all her wisdom and her faults.

Thomas Paine - Age of Reason

2010-04-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

excerpts from Thomas Paines 'Age of Reason'....My father turned me onto this only after I was old enough that he felt we had become like minded concerning the subject. He in no way, shape or form tried to strong arm his religious opinions on me....So here are some of the ideas that mean a lot to me and are highlighted in his copy of the book.
----------------------------
I believe in one God, and no more; and I hope for happiness beyond this life.

I believe in the equality of man; and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and endeavoring to make our fellow-creatures happy.

But, lest it should be supposed that I believe in many other things in addition to these, I shall, in the progress of this work, declare the things I do not believe, and my reasons for not believing them.

I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church.

All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.

I do not mean by this declaration to condemn those who believe otherwise; they have the same right to their belief as I have to mine. But it is necessary to the happiness of man, that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving; it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.

It is impossible to calculate the moral mischief, if I may so express it, that mental lying has produced in society. When a man has so far corrupted and prostituted the chastity of his mind, as to subscribe his professional belief to things he does not believe, he has prepared himself for the commission of every other crime. He takes up the trade of a priest for the sake of gain, and in order to qualify himself for that trade, he begins with a perjury. Can we conceive any thing more destructive to morality than this?

Every national church or religion has established itself by pretending some special mission from God, communicated to certain individuals. The Jews have their Moses; the Christians their Jesus Christ, their apostles and saints; and the Turks their Mahomet, as if the way to God was not open to every man alike.

Each of those churches show certain books, which they call revelation, or the word of God. The Jews say, that their word of God was given by God to Moses, face to face; the Christians say, that their word of God came by divine inspiration: and the Turks say, that their word of God (the Koran) was brought by an angel from Heaven. Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all.

----------------
and so it goes. This book took this man from a person who was looked up too, who helped the French and American revolution to somebody who died mostly condemned and broke. All I can say is I thank him and others like him for expressing their opinions in spite of the dangers those opinions brought. I think we need to be reminded of why folks got the fuck away from King George in the 1st place in spite of the danger. This one line from the Declaration of Independence rings of tolerance even though we didn't exactly tolerate the natives. I guess the founding fathers should have read their own writing....Anyway, this seems to be forgotten. ------- We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.------

It's officially beer-o-clock...Cheers

As my dad used to say...Shit or get offfff-aaaa the pot

2010-04-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

Power and powerless..........Congress went on the last vacation without signing unemployment extension benefits. Not to bore you but what this means.....It means some folks won't get their dough and others will due to this vacation lapse. We're talking 1 fucking week. If you happen to run out of benefits in that 1 week you will not get the same benefit as somebody who didn't. 1 f'in week! I will set my alarm for 11.30pm Saturday night and walk into my spare room and disable this transaction that will effect the entire state of Nevada only to do the same thing next Saturday to re-enable it when they come back and vote to extend it. To say I'm disillusioned is an understatement. I wasn't so anti-govt until I got too close as a worker bee.

So it goes,,, the luck of the draw. Feels like the movie Cool Hand Luke...digging holes only to refill them a bit later just because ..

Logic, common sense and information does not enter into the minds of people who run this land......Re-election, money and more power is the drug..same as it's ever been. We're human I suppose and that's what a lot of weak folks strive for....Excuse me if I don't shake your hand.

Open up your eyes, see how lifetime flies........

2010-03-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

What is life and what does it mean? Is it just doing time to get to the next step? Is it raising a family? Is it becoming rich? Could probably be all of the above. I'll be 48 this year and I haven't a clue. So much of it seems like such nonsense. When does something effect you so much that it effects you for a few days? I think my lack of spirituality is hurting me at this point in my existence but I'm sticking to my guns.

So many good books. Pick one. Even one and your divided 20 ways. I've listened to arguments at work over which is the real good book as if these morons would have a f'ing clue. So I'm not going the good book route. Never will. Mark these words for any who are around to see my last breath. Bend over as far as you can and stick that book sideways in your ass! No, I'm not angry at you but I am angry at what I see.

Just to give a little weight to how I feel, it's been a tough winter for me. No, I haven't been in battle or been burned over 90 percent of my body. Isn't it all relative? I started the winter doing something many have done...deciding when a living creatures life should end. One that is so unjudging and loving. Deciding when he should take his last breath. I did it and think it was correct but I will never forget. Sometimes I drive by the place and lose it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a pussy. Exactly 1 month ago my next door cubical neighbor decided he'd had enough. From what little details I know about it, he put some instructions out about what to do with his ashes and then he drove off to a secluded place and shot himself. A seemingly healthy 62 year old male with a wife and thriving son.

I sat as his service and watched his loved ones pour their souls out at losing this man. I remember walking out and telling my boss. 'Mary, Holy Fuck that was intesnse' and it was. No preachers. Just family and friends speaking of a loved one who could take no more.

Watch the news and you will see nothing but Wall Street swindlers and a Government who is so fucked up they will turn simple things into something so complicated. Our Govt. couldn't run a lemonade stand anywhere in America without issues. I will not go any further with this but the 2 people who read this know I work for the State Govt which is mainly controlled by the Feds. If you only knew how complicated they made it just to pay folks an extra year 1/2 you might feel my frustration.

If you've made it this far you're probably wondering where I'm going. I don't know. As of late I'm unable to find beauty in things. I know it will come back but for now the wheel that turns my life is untrue...It has hit a flat spot. I'm not suicidal but excuse me if I seem indifferent.

And for all you good bookers. Watch the history channel about now on any given night. You might be shocked to find there is debate to everything that's ever been written about your little Green Eggs and Gods Ham.......Sorry if I have a hard time with you trying to climb the afterlife ladder while your still on this one. It's sickening enough at work let alone......you get the idea.

Over and out...

ps....I'd just like to add if you're one of the f-nuts who think 1 side is superior to the other and feel enraged about politics....maybe its time to change the process. Big money controls everything and if you wanna argue Sarah Palin, go for it but you're wasting your time. The fucking process has to change. Repeat after me...The process has to change. Fuck your right and left. Maybe that will fit in your ass with the good book.

TCB

2010-02-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

It's an interesting thing to make a Will. I never felt like I needed one until I bought this house. I put it off for 8 months and finally made and appointment so quickly that the lawyer thought surely I must be terminally ill. That's just how I operate. I can procrastinate something but when it hits me I fly. Turns out I had to answer questions I really couldn't answer. It reminded me a lot of computer programing...if, then else...over and over again. If my sisters die before me. I had never thought of that. I don't have much but that kinda thing falls into the parent category in that you would want to help the friends who need it most. Most of my friends don't need anything but upon my passing if I have anything left, who knows who might need a little boost.. The easiest part was the medical piece that dealt with,' do not resuscitate'. Fuck that!. I wanted a clause put in to just kill me if I stop being of any value at all but they wouldn't go for it. So as it stands now I will soon have a proper Will. Looking at this piece of paper with your name feels like a passing of the torch. Thinking that my folks had probably felt far more emotion knowing a child of theirs was going to have to deal didn't make it any easier. I feel kinda proud that I got it done. No idea why really. Sidebar 1 - after the first visit I had to give details of what to do with my ashes. This was fairly easy to figure out but in doing it I cried like a baby. I thought of my friends doing this task without me and it just affected me deeply. Sidebar 2 - They wanted a local person to be my, 'yes man' should I fall into a coma and Leslie would not be available. I asked J-mo and he was so quick to say yes!. I always felt he wanted to kill me but now I know it's true.

Making Memories

2010-02-01T19:26:00.000-08:00

-------- My Story----------------
To say I've been looking forward to getting outta dodge for a few days to see Brian/Helen would be an understatement. We had tickets to the Todd Snider show downtown and they arranged a hotel so we could just park the car and be close to everything. Everything was on time concerning my flight and such but what was even more on time was this: they secretly booked a ticket for Leslie and arranged the flights so she would arrive 1/2 an hour before me. As I'm hugging Brian at the airport Leslie appears out of the corner of my eye. Unbelievable!
The thing is, Brian/Helen have never met Les except for a few emails and some facebook chatting but you wouldn't have known it. She fit in like she always does. We were whisked away to a nice lunch spot where the beers began. Then off to our room at the Ritz which they upgraded to a suite. Place was bigger than my house. Then the show...Then this, that and the other. If I told you I'd have to kill you and we wouldn't want that. Mentioned this next thing to Leslie during the weekend. I've been having flashbacks to some unpleasant things lately. Lasts maybe 2-3 seconds and passes. Enough to jolt your head in a slightly kinda , 'I found a good deal in Walmart' way... and now seeing her at that airport was such a surprise it's added into the flashbacks. Now that is therapy that doesn't come in a pill. Everything went off nicely and I suffered my usual 1st day excitement hangover as everyone has come to expect. This one involved puking and I'm sorry to the people who own the places I puked at. I won't name names. I was in good company though as Les had a nasty cold and the weather was crappy. Being silly and hangin inside with people you love is better than almost any excursion I can think of anyway. It was nice that we got to meet Andy as well. D and Joey also came by for some pizza and squeaky toy action. The usual success with a bonus and now I'm left with the usual depression that lasts a few days and passes. Thanks again for making things so easy and giving us memories that won't be takin away just yet. Last but not least we decided to come up with our own magazine so keep an eye out for, 'Douchebag weekly'...It will feature folks we think have either nothing to offer or their douchebagness overrides anything good about them. 1st edition will feature John Mayer. 2nd edition will feature Google who want's more money just to upload some pics to their online picasa that suks ass and has known issues. So you will have to wait for the flicker photos to upload.

---------Leslie's Story------------
Leaving Las Dallas

Today at 9:02pm

This past weekend was surely special to me because I was able to see my brother after a year and he didn't know about it's plan. Scott's good bud, Brian and I started chatting online months ago occasionally and in December he came up with the idea to get me down to Dallas to meet them as they were set to see a Todd Snider show and this would be a surprise to Scott. I'd never met Brian nor his wife Helen but have heard great things about them for years. As buds they've been through a lot together and Scott has always held them in very high regard with big love in telling me about their adventures over time.

As we were working out details over weeks, I was scrambling to figure out cashflow and arrangements. Brian was working out the plane ticket one evening with me online, and when I went to give him my credit card, he just sent me the ticket already PAID and said “Buy me a beer”..That was all he said and all he wanted to chat about...OMG! He was short on words and long on getting it done with sweetness.

As the weeks got closer, we never planned how to surprise Scott in any details at the airport nor did we over-think it too much. Scott and I were talking once in awhile, but not that much... a few days before he left for Dallas I asked him again what he was doing.. He told me all the fun details he, Brian and Helen were gonna get into; he was so excited to get away from work and just be with them. I wrote Brian after I talked to Scott that night and said “HE HAS NOOO IDEA”.. I was getting more excited about it... as good, organized surprises with travel aren't always easy and this seemed to be a really good one.

So I landed in Dallas after having been blessed with 2 things: 1. Accidentally sitting in the wrong assigned seat and 2.... meeting a great dude in that seat who I hit it off with as we talked about cool stuff for a good hour or more... It was an immediate comfort.. awhile in the convo it turns out he regularly gets Acupuncture and he told me how much it's helped him in his life in wonderful detail, and also his kids who he turned onto it. We talked about lots of cool life stuff—even quite personal things easily as if we'd knew each other for much longer than a few hours. (Get 2 Fire CF's together and this comes easy) We stayed quiet and read the rest of the time. We said respectful goodbyes and I truly got some gifts from this man; was glad I met him cuz he's been through some darkness, turned it around and is a positive dude who is on a contagious mission to enjoy a happy, healthy life...what a great flying mate!

When I landed I got a few words via text from Brian about where to meet him and Helen.. we met, hugged our fast, first hellos and they swooped me up and drove through the maze of the airport to meet Scott at his gate that Brian had figured out brilliantly to work efficiently on time. As we were waiting for Scott, I wanted to hide behind a wall or something to give him time to see them. Suddenly, he was outside and the barely planned plan was thrown out .. They ran out to meet Scott on the street as I watched from a window about 50 feet away. And this was the coolest part to me.. I started walking toward them and I got to witness my brother greet his adored friends as a fly on the wall and take that moment in. I got the gift of paying attention to this moment. I got to see how happy he was living his life in that moment, and how happy they were to see him. As I walked closer my chest started burning because my heart broke open... As I got closer and looked at Scott, I was sure he would feel my gaze and find me—it felt like I was burning holes in his head, but because he wasn't looking for me, he didn't.

He looked so familiar as if I'd just seen him yesterday and I stayed a fly on the wall watching his happy face talk to his friends. Then I moved in and stood in their little circle and stared at him. When he saw me, he jumped back about 6 feet in shock. He couldn't compute it right away.. and when he did we hugged hard and then he yelled “This is my baaaaabbby sisssttterrrr!” to Brian and Helen as if they didn't know..hahahah. He hugged Brian..I was choked up the whole time... He was too a bit.

This moment was pure joy to me!

I miss Scott daily as he's the closest family I have left and we know each other better and deeper than anyone else. I think I keep that “missing” him underneath in my heart because I won't be able to see him much and I don't want to hurt too much. ...To be with him in this moment brought back every sense of Family and that kind of Love right back.. And being with Brian and Helen was just like family too; it was so comfortable as if we'd been friends for years.. it was so good and easy.

Waking up Saturday morning and looking for Scott in the house felt like I was 10 yrs old again on Christmas morning...and getting to the bottom of the steps to greet him already having coffee was oddly, probably the best part of all. And this could NOT have been if it weren't for Brian and Helen's thoughtfulness and gifting in planning this little weekend get together.

Brian and Helen did so much to create a great weekend.. I don't think I can repay them. We had at least 2 more blogs worth of fun, silliness, debauchery, good talks, good music and coziness all together. It was so special.... Suffice to say that I am deeply grateful for it all!

Cheers and Love to Brian, Helen and Scott for a great weekend!

The action
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/srussel459/sets/72157623207424417/

Amos Lee - Dreamin

2010-01-14T20:38:00.000-08:00

"Dreamin'"

My soul,
is as open as the sky.
Often time,
it's just as blue.
People tell me,
I need to keep on dreamin'.
That's just what I'm gonna do.

Now everybody,
wanna treat me like a house fly.
Turn me around,
and tell me to shoo.
Wanna tell me,
keep on dreamin'.
That's just what I'm gonna do.

'Cause every moral,
has a story.
Every hand needs a glove.
Sometimes it's full of glory.
Oh, but mostly, it's for the love.
It's the love..
Mmm..

It's the love.
It's the love that pulls me through.
'Cause when they tell me,
keep on dreamin'.
Thats just what I'm, I'm gonna, thats just what I'm gonna do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTrcYXdhxTQ

A year and a thought

2010-01-03T11:04:00.000-08:00

Another year has said goodbye. In reflection I'm not sure how to rate it. Mostly good I think. It scares me to think of how fast it passed by. It seems like just yesterday Leslie and Ellie were out to celebrate Christmas and New Years. The super bowl is also right around the corner and it's hard to believe Brian/Helen were out to visit then. 1 year in time. As for me I'm still trying to co-exist with myself in some fashion between harmony/sorrow/anger/happiness. You know, life. Nobody gets out alive. Balancing emotions tied to memories in a world that mostly seems to be going so fast. I heard a quote yesterday from a movie and it says, 'Every day is a new problem to solve'. Time, loss and problem resolution. This leads me to something else that I recently discovered on the Biography channel.....A biography of Silo(pen name) who spoke of Existentialism and Humanism. To make a short story even shorter is that it struck me so powerfully that I began to see myself and the people I know in slightly different ways. In ways that don't define right/wrong. Each of us has to make sense of this place while we are here. I suppose I've always seen people mostly this way but now I had a real definition. When I look at my friends and myself we all do it differently. Having this belief allows people the wiggle room they need to find meaning without judging them so harshly. It seems that society as I know it wants to define what our life's meaning should be and I say, Bullshit!. Society doesn't like it if you're not wearing the right jeans, playing the popular music and worshiping the same god but my friends don't seem to mind. A lot of people think you're going straight to hell if you don't believe exactly as they do. How does this make for a compassionate person if you think the other 3/4 of the world is going to burn regardless of which extreme belief you choose. How can you worship a god who would do this? Ohhh nooo, something is wrong with you if you happen to show weakness as well. I'll be the 1st to confess that each loss I suffer at this point carries some of the weight of the ones before it. I didn't realize how powerful this was until December 2nd which is the day I had to put Reily down. I can't imagine what a young solider has to deal with trying to resolve what he/she has seen with a world that mostly cannot know. If you've made it this far chances are you've lost some loved ones, lost jobs, lost confidence and you will be weak at times. Maybe with the economy changing we will come together and help each other a little more. Silo seems to think that people will come together regardless of the institutions that fail and I hope he's right. Cheers to my friends for being the individuals that you are.

----------
Existentialism - A Definition
Existentialism in the broader sense is a 20th century philosophy that is centered upon the analysis of existence and of the way humans find themselves existing in the world. The notion is that humans exist first and then each individual spends a lifetime changing their essence or nature.

In simpler terms, existentialism is a philosophy concerned with finding self and the meaning of life through free will, choice, and personal responsibility. The belief is that people are searching to find out who and what they are throughout life as they make choices based on their experiences, beliefs, and outlook. And personal choices become unique without the necessity of an objective form of truth. An existentialist believes that a person should be forced to choose and be responsible without the help of laws, ethnic rules, or traditions.

Another definition: A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

Brian/Helen

2009-12-22T20:18:00.001-08:00

This is Brian and Helen. I will finish this post in time but this picture sums up a lot that really doesn't need to be said. We're like the 3 amigos....You start with a friendship and maybe there are some rocky times but if you make it through it seems to become stronger. So we became stronger and over the course of time I've been involved in important times in both of their lives and them mine. Weddings, Funerals and Vegas. If that doesn't make you close nothing will. Vegas is a great place to forget and remember all at the same time. I love these 2 people. Merry Christmas to you guys and your families.

Reily...(R.I.P)

2009-12-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

I had to put my baby to sleep yesterday...He just ran out of steam...Today is the 1st day coming home without him running out to greet me and its killing me as I type. He was such a gentle little guy. Always. He wouldn't hurt a flee. He had a long and good life and I'm thankful I got to spend the last few months with him. I will refine this post gradually as I'm able but for now this is it. I plan to add our videos here too.....I miss you bug....

ps..the pic of him in the chair with the bag was during Halloween...This was a bag full of candy and he helped me give it out....

our vids
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http://www.vimeo.com/8008561
http://www.vimeo.com/7743947
http://www.vimeo.com/7479928
http://www.vimeo.com/7230076
http://www.vimeo.com/6875480

Since we loved this song...here it is again.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qz3VcLv2kQ&feature=channel

Reily came into my life in March of 1996. I was away on an adventure and Amy decided to get some company for Miss Maggie. When I got home he was still small enough to walk under her belly. I had been layed off from a job and had some time on my hands so I used to take the 2 of them into the woods for hikes. They were both slow enough running that I never put a leash on because I could chase them down. We got into a routine of waiting about 50 feet from the road and I'd pick them up. All I'd have to say is, 'pick em up' and they'd stop and wait. He kept that habit until his last days. At 1st I thought having 2 dogs would be tough but he learned so quickly and I think Maggie was a big part of that. She was always the bully and he the chicken little. He never did catch on to the bully thing. As time went on they might as well have been one dog they were so easy to live with. Maggie passed in May of 2004 but as luck would have it somebody had given Amy another Maltese and although she is no Maggie she was still company for my little dude. Another shock for the both of us was when I moved back to Maryland in the same year. He lost his big sister and his daddy but as more luck would have it he had a wonderful granddaddy in Albert. Albert loved him much as we did. When I'd come visit he still seemed to know me but so much time had passed it was different as time went on. Skip forward to summer of 2009. He had started to fail somewhat at this point. He'd lost a lot of his vision and being around a kid and other dogs was causing him panic attacks. Amy called and asked what I thought so on August 27, 2009 (Albert's Birthday) she and Big Al brought him to me an although I know it hurt her deeply to let him go she also knew she had no choice. I figured he could stay with me and see how it went. We had a shaky start but he seemed to figure out my house. He put on some weight and seemed to be happy. I knew he didn't have long and was surprised that he lived as long as he did. Long enough for us to get reacquainted and that to me makes all of this grieving worth it. If you don't grieve a loss how can you appreciate what you have....? The newsroom is still quiet tonight but I have those good memories and I know Amy and Albert do too. 1 last thing. I think dogs know something about when their time is near. Maggie waited(I'll use waited as that is what they seem to do) until both Amy and I were away and she died in her sleep next to Albert. She snuggled up and passed away and I think she knew that neither one of us could handle it. I also think Reily found just enough energy to live long enough for us to reacquaint. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Happy Birthday Pop

2009-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

You would have been 78 years old today. I just want to give a quick thank you for everything you've ever done for me over the years. The #1 thing that keeps re-appearing is you let me have the ability to think for myself. No brainwashing. I've come into trouble in conversation with some of the more brainwashed faithful lately but that's the price I suppose. You had your ideas on things but never forced them on me. The golden rule was always your thing and has been my thing for as long as I can remember. I can remember you asking me if I, 'thanked someone' when a gift or meal was offered. I try to never miss a thank you because what once was just a habit to a little kid is in reality much appreciated by those who hear it. It's all these little things that are still here. I put my seat belt on 99 percent of the time even if I'm going 1 mile to the store because I can hear your voice. (are you buckled up) Leslie wrote a nice post about how you just wanted us to be together on the holidays even though the xmas thing is a commercial nightmare you loved nothing more than buying us things and making us happy. I could go on an on but I won't.....Cheers to you pop....I miss and love you.

All she do is fuss, cuss and moan......

2009-10-23T19:44:00.001-07:00

I've recently determined that song lyrics are my scriptures. Music has always been near and dear to my heart and kept me company thru good and bad. I've absorbed a ton of information about musicians who've caught my ear over the years and 1 thing is certain...Sometimes these songs and lyrics come very quickly as if from another energy source. Read about Cat Stevens and he will admit he had no idea what he was writing about in certain songs but they had meaning to others. Shame that undertow got him to give in. Call it divine or don't but in my opinion if we're made in gods image why couldn't a modern day person be a prophet of sorts? Take it one step further and why couldn't anyone in this world who's affected you in a way you will never forget be considered a prophet? I don't think the word should be reserved for 2k plus year old men who we will never know through their own words. I won't go any deeper with this one but I think if somebody inspires or shows you a map of what to expect through their own experience it's invaluable and for me it's songwriters, friends and family and a stranger or 2. If you find your map in religious text, friends or a glass of wine...amen to that as well. Now go fuck yourself and leave me alone, I got music to listen to, friends to write and wine to drink.

modern day prophet(reily)
--------------------------------
http://vimeo.com/7230076

A good week...........

2009-10-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

Started out the previous weekend with a Jackie Greene show at the Crystal Bay with Jim and Jackie G....After the show about the time I was drunk he appeared near the Roulette table with similar imbalances. See pics. Next week was spent chilling with Ellie which was nice and Reily got to sing for her. Some pics of it all and the lyrics to a song I took with my little camera in its entirety.----------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://vimeo.com/7053290
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/EllieOctober2009#
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The poor man’s soul is a diamond made of coal
He’s trying every day to survive
He makes his way, through the night and through the day
Sayin: “don’t it feel so good to be alive?”

Ah but I don’t want to end up like him
For he’s down on his knees every hour to pray
Sayin: “Lord, I been so good, just like I knew I should
So won’t you free me on my judgement day?”

She speaks good French sitting pretty on the bench
But I know she’s only after his Gold
She looks so fine, it’s naturally a crime
But she complains that she’s getting too old

So she tells her mama, that she’s falling in love
With a rich man who can take her far away
But the Wheel of Time, make her change her mind
The hour on her judgement day

Now that girl of mine, she ain’t the gentle kind
All she do is fuss, cuss and moan
Well I tried so hard, but it ain’t in the cards
So I’ll be leaving her alone

And if I’m right mama, you’ll have to sing to me
But if I’m wrong then I won’t be in your way
And if I find myself at the mercy of the law
Won’t you free me on my judgement day?

Music Blog with pic of Reily...

2009-09-29T18:08:00.001-07:00

Aug/Sep Update - Try not to fall asleep

2009-09-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

A Month
--------------
monthly update for my friends who live on mars....hope you don't mind the ME ramble.

I got reily(maltese) back from Amy because basically he's blind and not doing well with her critters. He's a bit of a pinball wizard but he's not dumb or deaf...he's blind, has arthritis and an enlarged heart...so when I first got him back I was stressed but now that I know he may be ok for a bit i'm better...not that anyone gives a shit as they have more serious stuff on their plate....

2nd thing was I had a nice visit from Dwayne and Inday....Dwayne has been my bud forever but as life goes we lose and gain touch....He's recently married and his wife is nothing but pleasant to be around. Showing her things she has never seen is nothing but fun.

On a work note I was sent to St Pete Fla for a work conference that I knew nothing about. I'm a willing traveler though as they have bars in the sky and considering being next to a small window for 4 hours was enough to bring some jack and coke my way...disclaimer(co-workers fly to India now and again and this pales in comparison but I do think their plane is bigger)

Saw my boy Todd Snider last Saturday with some buds...He seemed a bit tired but never missed a beat or lyric....

That's all I got for now...Look at the pics and go about your business......

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/MyAugustAndSeptember#

My Hood

2009-08-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

I love my neighborhood. You already know that I like my house but the fact that I am within walking distance of my friends is a gift. A house ain't shit if people don't come over and today was a day that made me smile because I had visits. Jon rang the bell shortly after work with 2 beers in hand. He was just saying, 'hey' and wanted to show me the cruiser bike he bought for his son. So we checked out the bike and he got fixated on a weed in my yard and then it turned to my front jungle/flower area. His eyes got a glossy look and he became in a trance like state. I have no idea whats in there but he does. So he goes from pulling a simple weed to a full on assault on my much needed jungle area. A few orders to Tristan to bring gloves and a shovel and it was on. I call him napalm now. Roughly an hour later he had to go do football stuff with his son and 6 full sized bags of shit are waiting for trash pickup. I wasn't even done bagging up the stuff and Jesse rolls home from work and sees me so a beer is in order. Some chit chat and he's off to dinner. 5 mins ago he emails that there is something at my front door. A beer and a book he'd just finished. I have others sets of good friends that live almost as close so I am in good supply. I told Jon while we were working that if somebody had shown me a video 2 years ago of what we were doing at that moment I would not have believed it. Working on some weeds with what would have been a total stranger in a house I didn't recognize. I had to smile and the friends I have in other places know I got enough love for everybody. Peace and love 2nite and btw ..my yard looks much better.

Jealous of the Moon

2009-08-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

-------------------------------------------
and a pic of the king of newcastle....brown ale
---------------------------------------------------

Heard this song for the 1st time on the radio the other day at work. Hit me upside the head but no idea why. Bought the download on Amazon and played it a bunch. Mentioned it to my sis and she said it was one of her all time favorite songs so it must be good. No idea what it means to me but I love it so for my thousands of viewers.....Nickle Creek:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzJc_TrJN3U&feature=PlayList&p=467F40FD3796133F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8

Trying on a brand new dress
But you haven't worn the old one yet.
You've come too far, to turn around now.
Giving up a good fight.
You're as strong as anyone.
You're back when you started from,
I see you're back where you started from.

Staring down the stars, jelous of the moon
You wish you could fly.
But you're staying where you are,
there's nothing you can do,
if you're too scared to try.

Drag your pretty head around
Swearing you're gonna drown with a beautiful sigh and a river of lies.

Staring down the stars, jelous of the moon
You wish you could fly.
But youre staying where you are
there's nothing you can do
if you're too scared to try.

Why don't you call me, I could save you.
Together we'll find a god we can pray to that will take you by the hand.

I hate to see a friend of mine,
Laughing out loud when she's crying inside,
but you've got your pride.

Staring down the stars, jelous of the moon
You wish you could fly.
But you're staying where you are
There's nothing you could do, if you're too scared to try.

You're staring down the stars,
You stay where you are,
You're jelous of the moon, but there's nothing you could do if you're too scared to try,
If you're too scared to try.

================================
and 1 more...when in Rome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylslcF-fUeE&feature=PlayList&p=632BCD371A680C9E&index=0&playnext=1

Work Poop

2009-07-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

Now this story doesn't rank all that high as far as poop goes...But today I had the worst experience with having to hold the shit within the boundaries of my colon. I wasn't able to ride at lunch so I went for a quick Whopper. My co-worker was desperately trying to explain something that I would have to finish as this Whopper was making its way thru my system. I sat there wondering if I should apologize for my stomach making noises or just ignore it. There was a 5 minute stretch of road that I wasn't sure I could make. I was listening and concentrating on what she was saying AND how not to shit myself. To make a short story long I didn't make the entire turnover session without leaving for the toilet. I was about 1 colon foot short of completion before I had to run. It got so bad I actually eased out of the chair and put all my weight on 1 arm as I squeezed my sphinker ...prison tight.....During the raising out of the chair I came to my senses and realized I needed to go no matter how long it might prolong my coworker having to stay....So I went and then a little later Buckwheat Zydeco came on the radio with a Led Zeppelin song, 'When the Levee Breaks' ...and my world was right again. And poor Donna has no idea I almost shit myself in her cubicle but the rest of my co-workers do because I love a good poop story.

Up up and away...1st furlough day.

2009-07-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

Friday was my 1st furlough day and I thought I didn't want to waste it although I'm not a huge believer that doing anything you're into at the time is a waste.So I started the day by dropping a full container of coffee all over the kitchen floor. I decided I wanted to ride my mtn bike from my house and climb to Spooner Summit and make my way back. I was armed with 2 water bottles - 1 of which I lost early on, a camera and no real agenda. I put the mp3 on random and it was amazing how many good songs it seemed to pick.I took a ton of photos just to show the elevation gain more than anything else. I made a little slide show to a song my sister had sent to me during more difficult times. So the song lives under less difficult times and gives some of the pics a little more life. Thank you sister for giving me meaningful songs over the years that kept me clawing my way forward. For the 2 of you who check on me you have a choice of either looking at the pics or checking out the slide show/music vid.

http://www.vimeo.com/5762604 (my slideshow vid)

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/1stFurloughJuly24th?authkey=Gv1sRgCKy9j-TrjJqVWQ# (just the pics)

Get Lost - as featured in Bike Magazine

2009-07-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

WE RIDE FOR MANY REASONS - FOR fun, for fitness, or as an excuse to enjoy the company of a few good friends. But mostly, we ride to escape-to escape the stasis of a life constructed around a 9-to-6 job; to escape the streets of suburbia; and, most importantly, to escape the expected.

On the trail, whether is traverses remote mountains or slices through local parks, anything is possible. Those slivers of dirt, the best of them not more than 18 inches wide, contain infinite possibilities. Each corner brings forth new risks, and new rewards, leading us further from home and deeper into the unknown. So we pray at the altar of dirt, and what we ask for most is an adventure.

Our sense of adventure leads us to local trails and distant destinations. But over the years, even those far-flung places--Fruita, Moab, Pisgah and Whistler--become mundane. Sometimes, another road trip to Utah has all the excitement of running to the grocery store. Even those of us who have never ridden Moab or Whistler have seen enough photos and YouTube clips to wash the excitement clean off those places. Written by Lou Mazzante
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I would just like to add that riding the same trails 100 times can sound boring. There are, like Lou mentions above, new risks with each corner. So the progress of acquiring mtn biking skill is a never ending endeavor. As you age some things you never gave a 2nd thought about become things that require attention. Old bones don't heal as fast as young bones and there is that freeriding thing that I have respect for but it's just not something I care to subject my body too. I'd rather live to ride another day. The picture above was taken in the Lake Tahoe area when 11 of us did a loop that was partially new to most of us and best of all it had many aspects that make up a good day...Challenge, a bit of suffering, feeling of success and the camaraderie that goes along with knowing each and every one of us had to pedal the same 50 switchbacks that became harder with each turn. A few beers doesn't hurt either. So wether you search the world for new trails or ride your backyard singletrak it's all good.

ps....This is not the real reason some call me Rodeo.

Heaven and Hell Part - Who knows.....

2009-07-04T18:25:00.001-07:00

Today's heaven and hell theme will start with the idea of those born agains. The almighty born again fucking Christians who have somehow gone off path and feel such guilt that they need some sort of acceptance/forgiveness. The issue I have with this is that if its a simple matter of accepting Christ into your life then why does it matter how you live on earth? I'll tell you why ...Because regardless of Christ most of us have a conscience and that very thing that is implanted in us and makes us feel guilty for behavior that might not really be up to standards. So we pretend to accept this forgiveness and go on about spouting off about the glory of Christ when all I'm really seeing is a motherfucker's who's guilty of making some mistakes in this life and not doomed to hell for it. Leave Christ out of it and live your life! And the funny thing is most born agains don't believe in reincarnation. Go figure. My theme for the month has nothing to do with anything other than Heaven and Hell. I'm not pissed at any Idol Worship that may see you get thru another day. I am pissed at all of the fearful folk who think they may burn in hell for being created by a creator who supposedly created us in his image. Happy Independence Day!

Fathers Day

2009-07-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

Fathers Day
----------------
Started off without a hitch. These types of days usually don't get to me but this past fathers days was very different. I somehow flopped in my pops chair and started flicking channels mid way through the day. I came across a documentary on the Travel Channel(I think) called, 'Dream Riders'. I only caught the 2nd 1/2 but what I got from it was this: A father probably mid 40's and his son probably early 20's rode bicycles across the country in hopes of gaining insight into their misunderstandings about each other. Music can bring laughter or tears in a nanosecond with me and it wasn't long into this thing I heard some good music that allowed a nice fathers day remembrance/purging/cleansing. Whatever you wanna call it. It builds, it releases and you continue and the cycle will continue forever and 1 day if you're lucky somebody will have the same thoughts about you regardless of parenthood. Your memory will live on. Concerning this documentary I was weeping and wouldn't you know they rode right through a town my pop played minor league baseball in. Olean, New York. (http://www.baseball-reference.com/bullpen/Olean_Oilers) So believe it or not it felt like he was speaking to me and it made things even more intense. In the end this father and son worked through a ton of misunderstandings and finally as they were at journeys end the son said to his father, 'I love you'. He had enough resent to hold off saying this until the journeys end. So the message is that some things are misunderstood and some things are very understood but need to be healed and there are those things that can probably never be healed. If you still have a pop try your best if possible................The lyrics to the song that got me were as follows: I take it as spoken from the father but I could be wrong and now that I re-read, it could go either way but it's beautiful to me. I immediately went to amazon and bought the soundtrack to DreamRiders(Ari Hest and Dewey Kincade)

Lyrics to One Line Epitaph :
So you say you know just who I am.
But I'm afraid that you don't understand.
'Not a line written in your book.. 'not an angel, and I am not a crook.

You see black and you know just what that means.
You say "no" with so much certainty.
You see a world drawn out on a grid, running from oceans where the buried treasure's hid.

Don't squeeze me in to your photograph.
Don't sum me up to a one line epitaph, skipping from the graph.. a one-trick pony.

Life is simpler when you know just who you are..
til the breakdown comes and you find that you were wrong.
That oppression comes for an extended stay.. stand on the shore and watch your future drift away.

Don't squeeze me in to your photograph.
Don't sum me up to a one line epitaph, skipping from the graph.. a one-trick pony.

A one line epitaph, skipping from the graph.. a one-trick pony.

---------------------------------------------
and in my mindset I wrote my simple thoughts:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Fathers day
---------------
I can hear harmonica
I can see a baseball
I can feel laughter
running around my memories
that survive
my father is with me
every single day
and now and again I am reminded
just how close he is
signs come from left field
sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry
today I miss him
but I know I'm not alone

Flume ride with the local/Oakland/Micigan folk

2009-06-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

Rode a nice but challenging 22 mile loop on the Flume and rim trails. Jeff's blog buds and friends of blog buds from Oakland(Morgan, Lauren, Dave, Chuck ) and Michigan(Brian) were able to join us as well as the normal suspects.

few more pics:
http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/FlumeRideWithJeffsGang#

2 vids:
http://www.vimeo.com/5361084
http://www.vimeo.com/5360750

Heaven and Hell

2009-06-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Again with this concept. I suppose MJ brought it out. Child molester isn't good by any means if it was indeed true. I would just offer that his father pimped him out as a young child not much different from a hooker. Take a blank slate.... something as harmless as an etch-a-sketch and draw twisted lines in the brain of a child. Is that somebody damned to hell? For all of you motherfuckers who had great parents or even those who didn't. Shut the fuck up. You will find out eventually. Money never equals sanity.

A day in the life of a good friend......

2009-06-18T21:07:00.001-07:00

Doug
---------
This is the kinda thing that happens to Doug every couple of months.(his words will follow my brief description) Trust me he doesn't look for trouble. I've known him for 15+ years and was the best man at his wedding. But the way the world works, it now and again feeds him when he's having one of those (Limp Bizkit - Break Something) days. I've actually never seen him street fight but I was his corner man at a sanctioned event way down in Georgia and I know nothing much about fighting. I remember the ref telling me to stop beating on the mat screaming, 'hit him' and he also reprimanded Doug for cussing. What a pair! The shot of Jack Daniels sure tasted good after that fight and I didn't even get a broken rib. When I first met him at work in Maryland we became fast friends and bicycle riding was our thing. We were so close in fitness it was just awful now that I think back. We'd do mtn bike races and it didn't matter if I finished next to last as long as he was last. I remember following him in a race for almost 3 hours and I couldn't catch him but I could see him. We finished seconds apart. 1 ride in the mtns of Maryland there were some wild dogs and I remember this like it was yesterday...2 of the guys climbed trees and I was between the tree climbers and Doug and he yelled at those dogs, ' Come on!' and they ran away!. As a road rider we do take quite a bit of abuse and 1 morning he was alone and a Maryland redneck buzzed him while he was cruising. Redneck stops his his big redneck truck that is surely a sign of small penis and continues to spout off about how he hated bike fagots in their tight shorts and such. Doug simply said, 'come over here and get ur ass kicked by a bike fagot' and he promptly punched him 1 time. Doug has always seemed like a fair person to me but maybe I'm biased....Maybe I'm right. So here is a story from June 2009 and a few pics.....I miss you brother...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Some rasta gansta wanna be threatened to shoot me this morning. He was a black guy guy with long dreads, probably about mid 20's. He cut me off in traffic and then honked at me and flipped me off. I cooly shot him a bird back. He pulled up beside and pointed his fingers at me acted like he was shooting... so I pretended to shoot back. Well he started to follow me and tailed me to a Walgreen parking lot. I pulled into a space and he pulled behind me and blocked me in. I got out and walked over to his passenger window. He said "what's your problem Cracka?". I said "I'm no Cracka. And what the hell is YOUR problem?". He said this and I said that...jawing back and forth. Then I said "And who the hell are you to threaten to shoot me? Do I look like I give a F*** if I get shot?" He said "I don't make threats. I just shoot.". So I said "then Shoot me, bi**h". I could see him shaking and knew (or at least hoped) he was full of crap. He said "I dont need no gun. I'll beat yo A$$". He put it Park and started to get out. I said " you might beat me or I might smack that damn weave out of your head. I did'nt get this ear from eating pu$$y." then I put in my mouth piece and said "cmon fu**er" He said "man, I aint worrying bout you". and drove off.

It was probably a stupid thing to do, but screw it. I'd rather die in a fight than by something boring like a staph infection. Seriously, I have a big nose, cheap clothes, a dead end job and I drive a station wagon. Why wouldn't I want to be shot?

One Nation Under Clouds - Jim Griffin

2009-06-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

(As published in the Truckee paper Moonshine Ink)
but the clouds are mine......
--------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever
looked up to the
clouds floating around in the sky and
seen a bird, or a fish, or a tree? Or,
maybe caught a cloud from the corner
of your eye and wondered, wow,
what's that cloud going to do next?
Clouds seem to have an energy
draw in every collection of ice crystals,
equaled by nothing else offered in
nature. Clouds can twist and turn creating
new forms by the second, opening
up ever changing paths for our visual
cortex to escape into.
Yet, the notion that this mass of
frozen crystals, and winds, floating in
the atmosphere, being an orchestrated
piece of "Natures Puzzle" can conjure
a mixed bag of feelings. Infatuated by
all in nature, it is "The Ancient
Ancestors" of this land who realized
that all these shapes and forms were
more than just that.
Clouds could've represented the
coming of rain, water, and moisture for
their crops. Clouds could've represented
snow, meaning hard times, as harsh
weather meant more difficult hunting.
Clouds surely represented change,
renewal and fertility. Or, clouds
could've simply lit up "Father Sky" in all
his glory. As a whole, they became
known as "The Cloud Nation", of which
was given great reverence by all.
A different time and a different
thought pattern. A "Cloud Nation", an
apparent paradox, in modern terms.
But that was when "Native Mankind"
meant, native, man, kind. A time when
man had kindness for all living things;
a broader respect and more encompassing
balance for each of our
Mother's Nations. Our ancestors understood
unity in the nations, meant unity
for all things put on this earth.
Harmony with nature comes from
the harmony found in nature. Riding
the Summit Chair Lift at Alpine
Meadows Ski Resort on a beautifully
crisp early March morning, my eyes
were invited to observe a few sparsely
littered, cirrus clouds dancing in the
blue of the Tahoe sky. Cirrus clouds
love to swirl and slither as they stretch
and disfigure into new shapes traveling
in jet stream winds.
As the day grew older my sweetie
and I watched cirrus and strato cirrus
clouds being blown to the east. We
were enjoying the 90 inches of new
powder on the slopes, but the ride
back up became as enjoyable as the
face shots going down. So here were
these light and airy clouds being blown
over a high ridge, by lower-level upper
winds. Yes, the perfect formula for
forming a lenticular cloud, more popularly
known as a spaceship cloud.
We watched as the first few clouds
morphed into a long cigar-like shape,
with a bubble in the middle, the classic
"Lenny". Each lift-ride up we watched
as cloud, after cloud, emptied the blue
of the west, and piled up over Mount
Rose into one of the biggest, and most
layered, "Lennies" I'd ever seen. With
eyes wide opened, I drifted into a fresh
space in my mind, just to close them,
setting my mind's eye free, to hover
deep within this massive wonder of
nature.
You know, we're all allowed to be
fascinated with Nature! But it's so easy
to take it all for granted; to gaze to the
sky, and miss it all. Some see no blue,
and it makes them feel blue. Or some
might see clouds, and it reminds them
of bad weather, or aggravates a joint in
their hand. But it is the clouds that add
contrast to the blue, and put the finishing
touches on "Our Mother's" daily
masterpiece.
Clouds are the winds of "Our
Mother's" breath, whisking the moisture
she has gathered from around
her earth, and spreading it through out
her lands. Have you ever noticed the
sun setting against the azure blue of
the western sky? Beautiful, yes. But it
takes only one cloud to reflect, and
bounce the sun's rays about, to show
its true beauty. Or the way a stormy
cumulus cloud can absorb the sun's
energies from the rear, allowing its silver
lining to shine through.
I remember an early winter sunset,
it was cloudless to the west, but, there
were still incredible pastels filling the
sky. I turned to the east to see a huge
pink, and puffy, cloud wrapped around
the top of Mount Rose. Illuminated by
the sun's shimmering rays, as if the
"Cloud Nation" was placing its hands
over the head of the earth, and giving
the mountains a Deeksha Blessing. A
Oneness Blessing for all time. I could
hear the songs of "Our Mothers"
breath in the wind. I could feel
"Mother Earth's" and "Father Sky's"
and "The Cloud Nation's" Oneness.
Talking to a "Good Old Timer" who
recently reminded me how wisdom,
respect and mindfulness are closely
related. This "Modern Elder" made me
think that wisdom and respect for
"Mother Nature" and all of her
Nations' must be passed down. That
respect starts with yourself, and grows
with respect for your elders and your
surroundings. My old friend said, "The
further we get away from nature, the further
we get away from ourselves". We
are part of our surroundings, as much as
our surroundings are part of us.
The missing link in our thought patterns
of today compared to those of
our ancestors is mindfulness. Take the
time to listen to the wind, hear it in
the shimmering of a leaf on a limb.
Take the time to see the wind bring
out the colors of the sun in a cloud,
fracturing it's light and creating a
"Sundog", a mini rainbow in the cloud.
Take the time to feel the wind raise
goose bumps on your arm. Know that
we are as vulnerable as the earth and
the sky, and our actions upon "Mother
Earth" and "Father Sky" and all their
"Nations" are acts upon us in kind.
Love your Mother, and she will love
you. Take the time to give thanks to
"The Cloud Nation" next time it brings
us powder. “Thanks” is the simplest,
and strongest of all types of respect.
The more we learn from Nature, the
more we learn about ourselves.
----------------------------------------
~ Jim Griffin loves clouds. He
lives in Truckee and can be reached
at 582-0705, or skichz@earthlink.net.
The photo was taken by Jim at
Mt. Rose.

Flickin Channels

2009-06-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

I love TV as much as the next person but what in the heck is going on with reality tv lately..or not so lately...Drama sells I suppose. You know its pretty bad when you can't tell the Alaskan fisherman from the Real Housewives of some city. The lumber jacks are acting like chainsaw wielding drama queens as well. Maybe those jackasses from OCC started it. Scream and yell and break a door. Just interesting how incredibly non creative the forces are in the TV executive world. Something sells and jump on the bandwagon. We can act like jackasses for 24 hours a day with inappropriate behavior but god help us if we show a nipple. A little nipple is what the world needs. That's me theory and I'm sticking to it. If we could combine 4 of these shows into 1 it might actually be interesting. I would put Brett Michaels on the Alaskan fishing boat and combine the lumberjacks with the real house bitches from some city. Maybe have Flavor Flav design a motorcycle shaped like a big ass clock....Who in the world can keep up with a Kardasssians? I think they should have to keep up with the rest of the world. Cheers!

My House

2009-05-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

So it's been awhile since I've owned a house. Finally after much searching and frustration I found the house for me. I love this place and it's walking distance to most of the folks I ride with at lunch.

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/MyHouseMay302009#

How we roll at lunch

2009-05-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

A few vids from a lunch ride in April.

http://www.vimeo.com/4055094
http://www.vimeo.com/4039454
http://www.vimeo.com/4039231
http://www.vimeo.com/4039029
http://www.vimeo.com/4038848
http://www.vimeo.com/4038746
http://www.vimeo.com/4038549
http://www.vimeo.com/4036342

A Wednesday...must have been

2009-04-22T22:24:00.000-07:00

Woke up in a stupor
Guess it's time to face the pooper
Sometimes I feel like superman
Sometimes I'm just recuperating

My head is twisting in its cage
My mind feels like a twenty gage
I hope it's just a passing stage
My heart's not red it's
Beige

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
But I think I'll tell you all that I know
Try to tell you all about it thought you
Might've heard i doubt it
Everyday's a waste I know everyday's a funeral

I'm cutting out I'm feeling lost
I've lost my mind I'm Mr. Frost
I've collected all the evidence
I'm off the edge I'm on the fence

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
Well I think I'll tell you all that I know

I don't want to be alone I want to be a stone
I wanna sink to the bottom of the ocean
And lie there with you til I'm gone

At the bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me At the bottom of the big blue sea
The bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me At the bottom of the big blue sea

I know I'll never know nobody
Better than I know myself
But I can't even figure out
Just what the fuck I'm all about

I'm sinking, I'm swimming no wait a minute
I'm drowning no I ain't kidding around
Sometimes i think i'm gonna make it
Sometimes I fake it

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
Well I think I'll tell you all that I know

Anywhere and everywhere
Made up my mind it's getting weird
It's queer to think it might not
Get much better than today I fear
Won't know true happiness
I tried so hard I did my best
My best wasn't good enough
Oh god I hate this stuff

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
Well I think I'll tell you all that I know
I don't want to be alone I want to be a stone
I wanna sink to the bottom of the ocean
And lie there laugh there with you laugh
Yhere with you til I'm gone

At the bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me At the bottom of the big blue sea
the bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me At the bottom of the big blue sea

And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHMTvHxWfX8

2009-03-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

Religion Thoughts
------------------------
How can people look at others with different beliefs and somehow through the reading of their own preferable text justify superiority? If god created us then he must be present in each and every one of us. Why do we look to the bible to find answers when the answers are written in the DNA and lives of everyone around us? I'm certainly not against looking to the bible for answers but those answers are transitory at best. If you were god, would you create a mysticism so confusing that it would create 50 different factions to understand it? Would you create a son to be a savior to all of humanity and have him not write one word concerning salvation but leave the task of documenting to his followers and the followers of his followers long after the fact? I think this life can be so harsh that its very easy to understand anyone trying to paint a blissful picture of the afterlife. What I don't understand is the rules it takes to get to this supposed afterlife. Live like an animal and ask for forgiveness and pretend to believe and you have a hall pass. I for one like the idea of the hall pass, but is that real? Its very easy to look at text and find many meanings. Is this good or bad? If you were god would you want the answers written in text? If you spoke a sentence to me would you want me to understand it or try to untangle some kind of mystery? It would also be easy to control people with the fear of hell and I can't think of a more cruel idea than that. If you think you are god .....you might just find 100,000 people ready to listen to your godlike ideas and make you rich. I guess I don't have issues if people find peace from religion but for those that want to control, judge and implant fear of hell and reign all knowing....I do have issues.

1 Year

2009-03-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

1 year this week...I arrived in Carson City with my shit. I would like to thank the people who helped me get here and the people who helped me get going. You know who you are. I'm not sure if it feels fast or slow but today I was talking to someone from work and she mentioned it seemed like I had been there forever. Hopefully that's good. I feel lucky on many accounts. The economy made my idea of finding a job scary had I not found this job with a little help from my friend(Jeff). I'm working hard, riding hard, laughing hard and still wondering hard. Wherever you go, there you are. Stupid but so true. 1 big spin cycle but now at least my blankets aren't all on the same side of the washer so things spin a little more freely. I really can't say I miss anything on a large scale because as it turns out most of us are trying so hard to survive that the miss instinct gets buried. I miss many little things. A lot of my friends have fallen out of touch but hopefully not forever. No fault of mine or theirs as I would like to believe.

http://eerygurl.blogspot.com/2008/03/last-leg-carson-city-bound.html

http://blaascott.blogspot.com/2008/03/moved.html

Had to add a recent pic. Yesterdays lunch ride...............

Raw

2009-03-14T14:00:00.001-07:00

I feel raw. Not bad, not good just raw. Nothing new as far as feeling but I thought I'd post a picture of raw and just say it. Raw happens when for good or bad you have to defend your position over and over. It starts usually over bigger things and then amplifies over little things that will make it stink even worse. I back into my parking spot and the wind chime bitch has a year old grudge over my disapproval of her man made noise stuck in a tree in this wind swept place. She sneers at me and I sneer back but soon I'm gonna ask her whats up. But I won't let my raw comments creep into other things that I could easily attack her with just because I'm feeling raw. Even though I'm raw I'll still order a California Roll instead of real raw. I would just like to define it as being in a state where your filter isn't quite there but you're also not aggressive. Fuck the tulips and bring the sushi.

lunch in early march

2009-03-03T20:14:00.000-08:00

Today as I went to work it was dark and raining. In the 10 mins it takes to get to work it was snowing and by 11:30 the roads were dry and it was sunny. So I headed out with J-Mo and Big Jon. A few pics taken from my old failing camera. It put the effects on these pics all by itself.

few more pics here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/2009LunchRideMarch3#

Jeremy Lusk

2009-02-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

I was talking with Jeff earlier in the week about stunts and such and I mentioned how I couldn't believe none of the freestyle guys had been killed yet. That sport is extreme. Today at work another friend texted that Jeremy Lusk missed a trick and was killed. Now I don't know a thing about this guy but it got me thinking about fleeting life. I would imagine the guy lived it well for a 24 year old. Peace to him and his family.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fleeting life spit out of me in 2 minutes...so here it is... People always say live each day like it's your last but who can do that. Can you ride your bicycle the same way for 100 miles as you could for 1 mile. I think not. So the question lies in balance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fleeting Life
@@@@@@
fleeting..life
going going gone
fleeting life
back flip ..slightly not
suicide bomber
restaurant
fleeting life
never knowing
when, how, why
learn the rules and then
you go
finish the puzzle and it finishes you
fleeting life
never knowing
run, eat and hide
disease
may just find
fleeting life
how much do you live
and how much do u save
nobody knows
nobody knows

World Eraser

2009-02-08T14:57:00.001-08:00

A few months ago Brian and I were emailing back and forth about ideas for Helen's birthday. We kicked around Vegas and I thought, 'Come to Carson' and just that quick he got tickets for a long weekend here. So it was done. I picked them up late Thursday night and off to the Silver Legacy we went. As always the 1st night tends to run way into the next day and this was no exception. Helen fell out sometime in the middle of the night but Brian and I kept on going. He could do no wrong gambling. Roulette was the game of choice and Helen's bday was the 31'st so that ended up being the number of choice and boy did it win. I was even able to hit it a few times. B/H are die hard Steeler fans and wouldn't you know we ended at a table full of Cardinal fans. After some friendly trash talking Brian started a new plan. Put 100 bucks on the 3rd 12.(2 to 1 odds). He lost the 1st one to the Cardinal fans delight but not to worry. He spited them with the same bet and won and continued to win 4 more times while I was losing much smaller bets. We stumbled out of there and proceeded to search for food. It can be very confusing to navigate casinos that are connected when you've been drinking Newcastle and shots of Grand Marnier for 8 hours. After asking for directions a few times we made it back to the room with our shitty sandwiches. The casinos are not like they used to be in that at 6am they are completely dead and food is rare. After inhaling our shitty sandwiches Brian fell out and I stayed up for a bit talking to Helen. The kind of deep one sided talking that only occurs when 1 person is wound up drunk and the other is sober and has just been awakened. After a few hours sleep and room service we headed to the lake. We found some rocks in Sand Harbor to climb on and just played out in the sun for an hour. We hadn't gambled in at least 7 hours so it was time for some South Tahoe action. Nothing happening there so over Kingsbury Grade and back to CC for some pizza and rest. Saturday saw some hiking out behind the apt. I had to show them my hills. My training and thinking ground where I solve all the worlds problems...alone...Later they turned me on to IN @ Out burgers which were really good and since we were in south Carson I had to show them the Casino Fandango(my favorite place). At the CF I introduced them to Margo who is also my favorite bartender and we tried our hand at my old staple...Caveman Keno ...no luck and it was back to Roulette in which Brian proceeded to win again as I continued to lose. After the very 1st nite I commented how his wallet wouldn't close and mine was as skinny as a room key. We had reservations for Super Bowl Sunday at the new Tuscany Towers at the Peppermill. We checked in Sunday and found the casino to be filled with drunk folks. Not just drunk folks but drunk folks wound up on sports adrenaline. Since our room was so nice we watched the thing there in peace and quite. Afterwards we ventured down into the mayhem and found a nice quite bar or so it seemed. Shortly after we got comfortable a group of drunks came in. I kept hearing this dude saying really loud, 'uncle Brett...show me your guns'..over and over and over again.... and 30 minutes later I found myself telling one of them to get outta my space. He had dreamed up something to do with Helen not liking his buddy(uncle Brett ..with the guns)...shewwweee... Both Brian and I thought it best to leave so down to the casino floor we went where it wasn't too bad. In 20 minutes I won back all the money I had lost over the previous days and we even ran into Margo and her mom gambling in the same area. I have a picture of my wallet next to his and it was no longer a room key. So I'd like to thank the drunk guy that kept yelling, 'Show me your guns uncle Brett'...no less than 100 times. If not for that...who knows....So it was a successful, 'World Eraser' weekend as both Helen and Brian needed some downtime as they both have ailing parents and over they years they've helped me in time of need and in times of no need. They liked this area so much they will be back fo sho.....I know I'm lucky to be here but when my friends visit and are astounded by the beauty of the mountains and the debauchery factor it makes me feel even that much better. I think a smokey casino balances out the beautiful mountains perfectly.

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/BrianhelensVisitJan2009?authkey=uOVgb1lAxbE#

Mom's Birthday

2009-01-17T15:58:00.000-08:00

Today my mom would have been 77 years old. She lived to be a lot older than she thought she was going to. Most of her family died much younger so I suppose when that's the case you kinda get it in your head that you're on borrowed time. Although her body wasn't entirely done her brain was tired of this world. I hope she watched me carry some rocks up my hill today in a state of remembrance. I wrote her initials in the sand at one point. Most times I also throw a rock at something like a pole or tree in remembrance of my dad as he was a baseball player in his younger years. It's my way of saying hello to them wherever they are.

and a good quote to go with all this.....Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
- Cullen Hightower

Lindsey Buckingham's Poem

The world was calling you away
and your leaving was just your way
of staying with what you'd come to say
This pain is the poem slowly written
torn from the book
and cast into a corner of the attic
where no one could look
This rage for all to see
caught fire and burned all around me
till their was nothing left to burn
Now I stand alone in these attic walls
and reread that poem all yellowed with age
Tears heal such as healing is
so I cast that page into the flame
And there is no blame, only shades of regret
And those too will fade
as the world calls me away.

I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

2009-01-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

But this ride actually happened. Wide open spaces and the wild horse in the rear was excited to see us.

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/IronMountainJan2009MtnBike#
http://nowherenevada.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=123&Itemid=1

Christmas 2008

2009-01-06T16:40:00.001-08:00

Wow...who knew I would have such a good Christmas. Leslie came out the week before and flew home on xmas day and Ellie came out the day after. Much debauchery and laughter. I had a hangover so bad on Christmas that I told Les my core atoms were damaged....but that comes with the silliness and sickness that is in the Russel bloodlines. I showed Leslie lake Tahoe in the snow and she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She said, 'pictures don't do this place justice.' but we'll keep trying. We gambled some and for the 1st time I can remember Leslie had real casina luck. I walked away from her at 1 point and she had won $500 bucks at the Carson Nugget. We were playing together so money was divided and my portion mostly went back. Little sis mostly had my camera and was very sneaky in taking videos. A few links will be provided at the silliness. Only those who know us will laugh but only 3 people read this thing so you 3 will enjoy. Ellie arrived and it was straight to the Atlantis for food and slots. We also won together and my portion also went south. (I had recently been on a good winning streak. Trips to BOA to deposit money) After more relaxation and some days off work here and there her trip was coming to and end. We got to see Albert up in Sparks and I was just telling the 2 of them how my winning streak had come to and end and I hit the button with the bottom of my Corona and won 1840 bucks!. Even had to fill out the IRS winnings form. So it was back to Carson City to pick up a new bicycle which had just come in that day. I'm still getting adjusted to lack of laughter in my apt and work but its been warm the past few days and I should be able to take the new cycle out tomorrow for its 1st real ride. I can only hope next year will be as much fun.......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_Rqdr5lS3k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lICbeYInNh8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9A8AZ8i8lE

Is this thing working, is this thing on.

2008-12-12T23:22:00.001-08:00

Let me just start this post out with a hearty fuck yeah!. This week Leslie finished her first year of acupuncture school. Not an easy task by anybodies standards. She is someone who really needs to live to be 100. I learn from her almost every time we talk. I really hadn't thought of my own progress or if you could use the word progress and Scott in the same sentence. I don't look at progress the way most do. Progress to me is simple survival on some level that enables you to retain compassion for others as well as not let yourself fall into the well. Today I rode alone on our lunch trails knowing that possibly this weekend the weather might make some of them impassible for the coming months. And as I was climbing the trail I descended the previous day I had more time to reflect. The previous day I got scatterbrained on a section of this so called, 'Creek Trail' and went over the handlebars but today it wasn't about anything concerning keeping up. And in this little climb that is usually a fast descent I had that extra pondering time. Basically the theme was how I arrived here in March pretty much a mess and how now, although work is tough, there is a mission. If I don't ride for more than a few days I have a few people up my ass about it. I have accountability and the structure is something I need. I have a job that is demanding but .....fills in the blanks.... I like it most days.....Key word...JOB. I know I'm better off working than not working regardless of money. The idle mind is the devils playground for me. I miss my friends in Maryland but I think they would all agree that I needed some form of change. Posted is a pic from 2 weeks ago at lunch and 1 of the day before I left Maryland. Not that anyone gives a flying rats ass.--------------------------------------------------------------

My Private Nation

2008-11-23T15:01:00.000-08:00

This Sunday morning I took a walk out behind my apt. Took approx and hour 1/2. Not sure whats worse, climbing or coming back down but it's a good workout. This little slide show is in chronological order and I put a Train song to it as that's kinda what it feels like where I walk. Like its my own private nation......

Blog is working again - Labwork

2008-11-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

Most folks who've known me for a bit know one of my biggest fears is getting blood work done. So I got a new Doc out here and he wanted lab work done right off the bat just to see what kind of poison he was dealing with. The week of blood work #1 I called around to the 2 places to make sure they weren't busy because I knew if I had to wait bad things would happen. I fasted at least 3 times that week but couldn't find my window of opportunity until later in the week. I rolled in and only 1 person was there. Got it done before I had time to think about it. So the results came back...My triglycerides were over 600. Runs in the family. He put me on a med and says do more labs in a month and we'll talk again. Lab #2 didn't go so well. I got a bit cocky and rolled into a crowded waiting room. Sat there and my mind started racing. When it was my turn something weird happened with the lady in front of me as they had to clean that room with bleach. By now I'm sweating and worked up/down into a bad state. She stuck me and I completely passed out! When I woke up 2 people were over top of me saying my name loudly. My ears and eyes were working but my brain was still off. I had no idea who I was let alone them. The brain engaged and I woke up to what felt like a hangover. Went back to work soaking wet with sweat and felt so shaky I skipped the lunch ride. So now I get the call the the blood is still fahqed up so Thursday I get see what sort of new and wonderful thing I get to try AND go back for labs in another month or two. How can something so non painful get into my head like that.

Dwayne and Brittney

2008-11-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

We've known each other since the mid 70's(high school)....long long time. but we're the type who goes their own way and sometimes months will go by without contact. Our natural rhythm is this way. During high school Dwayne's folks bought him and his brother a motorcycle to share. We had a gang much like the lunch time riders of today that would ride motorcycles as much as possible. On the weekends we sometimes ended up with crowds watching us race around this little plot of land between a Highs convenience store and Townhouse development. Currently its 1 big parking lot. When they starting building houses we also had fun while that lasted as there were new piles of dirt to explore almost every day. I'm a true believer that my little Honda XR75(1974) kept my mind active on more positive things. Fast forward a bit and Dwayne joined the Air Force right after high school. For some reason I can't remember what I did yesterday but I remember sitting in his car the night I said goodbye to him on that night. He was stationed in England for 5 years at Fairford Air Force base. Upon his return to the states he had no place to live and I had just bought a condo. So we were re-united ....He lived with me while pursuing his bachelors degree at Hood College. Needless to say there were many beers consumed during this period as we were only 23 years old. Dwayne lived in Baltimore for a bit before he got the u-haul bug and ended up in Colorado Springs and eventually California.So now we're 46 and still trying to make sense of it all. Cheers to a good friend....

You might meet a little fox in an atheist hole

2008-10-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

New video from Todd Snider.......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dSyK7uqgIA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FetXbNUduEo&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbByWrP-MyU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9g6bRgfy6Q&feature=related

I'm Shakin it Boss

2008-10-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

Saturdays ride consisted of lots of doubletrack with some fun rock challenges and 1 nice watering hole. The water hole made me feel like a kid again and watching Josh shake at the end of this thing is worth the trouble. I'll let the pics do the talking. Jeff assumed the roll of GPS agent, photographer and writer so I'll just have to leave you with a pic of me and my boy and divert you over to bikecarson.com. I'd like to thank Kenda tires, Newcastle Brown Ale, Negra Modelo, Kathy's custom ass wipes, Josh's quake and shake, and Lesters cool style(and beer supply)...and obviously Jeff for putting the thing together.

http://www.bikecarson.com/2008/10/19/expedition-into-el-dorado-canyon/

Mickey...written by Leslie

2008-10-15T17:15:00.000-07:00

Mick, this little one in the picture, died suddenly tonight. He was very special to my family. One morning in 2003, while driving to work in the rain, he was on the side of the road in traffic wandering out. I jumped out of my car, stopped traffic and picked up his fuzzy, wet little ass up and put him in the car.

He was in a good part of the ghetto, so I started walking up and down the street asking if peeps knew him. Oh.. yes they did..
"He live there to the right, he live to the left, he live up dat street." He actually didn't live there at all..duh as I called in late to work and brought him back home.

I put out flyers everywhere, blah blah blah.. put his picture up in the city, online and on Md Penny Saver ect. One night I got a ton of calls from Pomeranian fans who just wanted to talk about him, but didn't own him. I entertained these stupid calls for hours.

And then that night, one call came in from this smoky little baltimore voice saying, "Hon, I think this is my brothers dog... My brother has terminal cancer but stayed at home until it got bad, and he called me to pick him up to take him to Good Samaritan Hospital last Sunday night... he brought his little dog, Penny too.. We left Penny in the car, a sandy colored Pomeranian.. and the next morning, I went to leave and the dog got out and ran away. (This is within 2 blocks of where I found him).

Smoky Baltimore hon said it'd be best I kept him, as her brother would be dead soon and she couldn't care for the dog. She thanked me and got off the phone.

The day of this picture above, I'd already talked to my Mom and asked if she could possibly take him in. Mom wasn't so happy as her Yorkie was very possessive, but she accepted. This picture was the moment I met Mom and Dad in Frederick and handed Micky off. He ran right to Dad and laid next to him on the carseat, and never stopped being close to Dad.

Mickey and Max, the Yorkie hit it off.. easily. And each day when Dad would come over to Mom's house, Mickey would run to Dad and hang with him for most of the time. When Dad was dying at his home, we brought Mickey over to his house to be with him. One bad morning, Dad woke up and told me he'd never felt such pain as I was planning to get him to his Baltimore docs..He had 2 days left.. As I walked down the hall to make phone calls and get ready to leave, I heard Dad talking to Mickey in the same playful voice as always as if everything was perfectly fine.

Mickey was Dad's bud. When Dad was gone, he was Mom's buddy, but lost a bit. Long before Mom died, she told us that our cousins wanted to take him if she died before him.

When that day came, Mickey had a home planned, but Max the Yorkie did not. This sucked and my cousin Jolynne agreed to take them both. The day she picked them both up, was awful as Sheila and I handed them off. BUT it ended up being great because the dogs loved being there, and we were sent pictures and updates.

So tonight as Scott and I were chatting on the phone, I opened the email detailing Mickey's quick passing this evening. I scanned it, stopped Scott from talking and asked him to take 2 deep breaths.. then read it to him. We sat on the phone quietly and cried hard like little kids.

Mickey had a weird life of rescues, good homes and re-locations, but will be fine hanging with Mom and Dad and even his previous Dad who died around the time I found him.

Yet needless to say, it's sad when a baby dies. Luckily he died quickly at home with my cousin loving on him closely until he left. He was buried on Dad's home turf in PA with loving ritual and appreciation.

Cheers to that little found boy.. he made our family better!

Couple cool paint jobs from Street Vibrations

2008-09-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

various lyrics

2008-09-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Got the idea to put a lyric that I like into paint. Add some colors and post it. Nothing fancy but the lyrics I post obviously are things that stuck.

Maryland Natives

2008-09-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

This is what it would have looked like 8 years ago back in Maryland. Thursday night ride, pizza and laughs. Who'd a thunk 8 years later I'd be in Carson City, Jim in Truckee and Juan in Park City. Who knows where we'll be 8 years from now.

John Butler Trio

2008-09-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

Saw the John Butler Trio on Saturday with my G-family....This song has good enough lyrics to share....

All you want is
What you can't have
And if you just look around man
You see you got magic
So just sit back relax
Enjoy it while you still have it
Don't look back on life man and only see tragic

Because you could be better than that
Don't let me get the better of you
What can be better than that.
Life's not about what's better than
You can be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than that
Life's not about what's better

All the time while you're looking away
There are things you can do man
There's things you can say
To the the ones you're with
With whom you're spending your today
Get your gaze off tomorrow
And let come what may

Because you could be better than that
dont let me get the better ofyou
what can be better than that
lifes not about whats better than
you can be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than that
Life's not about what's better

All I know is sometimes things can be hard
But you should know by now
They come and they go
So why, oh why
Do I look to the other side
'Cos I know the grass is greener but
Just as hard to mow

Life's not about what's better than.

All you want is
What you can't have
And if you just look around man
You see you got magic
So just sit back relax
Enjoy it while you still have it
Don't look back on life man and only see tragic

Because you could be better than that
Dont Let me get the better of you
What can be better than that.
Life's not about what's better than
You can be better than that
Don't let it get the better of you
What could be better than that
Life's not about what's better

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJUV8CSXQfY

Rare political rant from Mr Ignorance is Bliss

2008-08-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

My turn to be Andy Rooney for a minute...And as Todd Snider says before his shows, 'This isn't to change anyones opinion as much as it is to ease mine'...but in my case its to remember how I felt at this point in time. But I usually feel like this around election time so really it's nothing new.

The time has come to turn the news completely off(if u already haven't) and watch reruns of your favorite sitcom. What's about to happen between 2 seemingly good people running for president will be a lot worse and less sincere than 2 monkeys at the zoo flinging shit on each other. I suppose its just the nature of the game but its almost as hard to watch as, 'You light up my life' at Tuesday night karaoke. When I come across anyone who seems to perpetuate the hate they hear on tv as if they personally had to clean one of John Mccains 10 houses or they were the victim of Barack Obamas lack of experience I wanna vomit. As if either one will run the country all by himself. Please! I would love to see the bumper sticker people have their lives investigated from top to bottom and see what it might be like to grow in the public eye. You can't ever change your stance as you get more information or else you're a trader. When was the last time in recent memory an Agnostic ran for office, recovering alcoholic or maybe just someone who might need anti-depressants to help with a chemical imbalance. Nooooooo....We can''t have that. We've created an environment where its almost impossible to make mistakes and run for public office but on the other hand when we didn't have instant media we still had a mess. And that mess is called humanity. Most of us are weak, egotistical, fragile, selfish, power hungry babies. We used to fight wars on elephants over 2200 years ago and now we use laser guided missiles. Has anything really changed. We'll fight a war for land or just because we need to cleanse the population of different ethnicity's. Obviously we'll even stoop so low as to fight a war for oil. I'm not sure but there are currently a lot of wars taking place. I'll take lack of experience over lack of judgement and severe lack of intelligence any day. I used to know a 10 year old who had better judgement than most adults. Humanity is flawed for sure but what can you do. I really don't have an answer for how you can get balanced information. No article ever written is done so from a purely neutral position but I think this far left and far right mentality is nauseating at best and at worst it perpetuates fear and hate. How can something as complicated as a persons brain-added life experiences come down to either, 'us or them'..'black or white'....or my favorite...'pro life....pro death' as it pertains to electing government officials. If your sole position in electing officials is abortion then you get what you got. You are somehow pro life, you probably attend some Christian Church and yet the carnage this war has caused....is what? Say it.....'pro death'...1 last thing, I wish the candidates would say, 'If elected I will try' as opposed to, If elected I will'....because there is a large group of people involved in the process of law making and most of the time they help decide where the bus is going.(not that it eases my mind...They recently drove the bus off a cliff in my opinion) I suppose what I'm feeling is that you far lefters and far righters should go to the zoo and get monkey poo slung in your general direction..That's if you can turn away from Hannity and Colmes long enough...I get that nobody will read this but maybe in 3 years when I re-read it I will think, 'What were you thinking'...So be it...and 1 other last last thing...For as much intolerance as I see in the general population it seems like we sure do tolerate a lot when it comes to our government. And therein lies the irony. And the last bit of irony is that whatever choice you make there are really powerful RICH monkeys behind the scenes taking care of THEIR business which really clouds the waters. Over and out...See ya at the zoo...........Gene Gene, I should have ran this by you on one of our Gambrill hikes. I had to go it alone this time.

this goes out to both parties...
--------------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLM5-2vZbgo&feature=related

Rocks and Rattlesnakes

2008-08-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

There is a hill behind my apt that I like to climb/walk. Not quite a real climb but not a walk either. 1 day I decided to carry a rock in each hand and do some resistance training. Then I discovered if I carried the rocks to the top and started a pile I would have a log of my workouts. Today I actually ran part of the way so I carried no rocks but yesterday I had my rocks. On the way out of my apt complex I was walking on the side of the road in the shadows of a tree lined wall. I had dark sunglasses on and before I know it I'm on top of a rattlesnake. Thankfully he was dead or I might have gotten some time off work.

Ed - Onnnnnnn the EDGE

2008-08-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Ed came from Maryland for a visit last week. Without going into too much detail he is facing that thing a lot of us middle aged folks face. Ailing parents....but he's got a double dose because his wife Mary also has ailing folks..My plan for him was to not have a plan. Let him do whatever. I turned him off to blackjack, roulette and slots but I swear he looked like he was having fun. We even entered a tiny Blackjack tournament at the Silver Legacy which I won a whole 40 bucks. We watched the Friday nite Hot August Nights parade. After he adjusted somewhat to his surroundings we headed to the rim trail on top of Kingsbury and did the bench and back. This has never happened to either one of us. A runner not only passed us on the climb(the whole thing is a climb) but disappeared. After we turned around and were almost back he passed us again but we did have 3 flats. The tire gods were not with us but 1 of the flats was at a spot overlooking Lake Tahoe and I thought, 'there are worse places to get flats'. The following day we just rode around our lunch trails. Ash Creek trail, Postal, Jack Rabbit, Deer Run and part of Mikes and Baldy Green. He was impressed with everything but the hot sun. East Coasters are mostly used to riding in shade and rocks. He also made the comment that I've been making since I moved back, 'This sand takes a different skill'.....If you crash and are not in need of a helicopter Ed will mumble something like Hillbilly Bear or Billy Bob would, '...mmmmm..you be aaaaright' as he rides by you. Thankfully I didn't hear that on our 2 rides. I miss riding with you brother.....Hang in there.

some pics...

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/EdsVisitPart1

Jackholes

2008-07-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

The world is full of jackholes...I'm included for sure but.... to me life is about trying to overcome the jackhole ignorance you were born with and probably subjected to for the first 20-80 years of your life. So then you get a career or any job or maybe just get married to the closest thing that will have you, then and only then can you really see what Jackhole unchecked can become. I'd like to suggest to anyone who has worked at 1 place so long that they've worn a brown spot in their chair to just quit and go find another job and try to be the new person. See whats it's like. I try to be sensitive to the rest of the jackholes around me in general. I can respect people I don't care to be around. I can keep my mouth shut about 92.5 percent of the time but sometimes I think I might become a full fledged jackhole myself. Act like an ass 100 percent of the time. I think I'll strive to be a know-it-all, sensitive jackhole ass with a MLM scheme. With a political agenda that is unwavering. Add a twist of high brow religion and you've got it all. I think I'm sick of people for the most part...Strangely, now I feel better.

Jackhole in Chief - Scott Russel
Editorial Director - Scott Russel
Creative Director - Scott Russel
Senior Associate Editor - Scott Russel
Deputy Art Direction - Scott Russel
Fashion Director - Scott Russel
Senior Gibberish Overseer - Scott Russel

Motorcyclists

2008-07-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

Over the last decade I've ridden bicycles both road and Mtn far more than motorcycles. I've had probably a dozen different motorcycles dating all the way back to the 6th grade. I used to race motocross and hare scrambles into my early 30's. 2 years ago I bought a Suzuki street bike and ride on occasion. The odometer just turned 5k so that goes to show how much I don't ride. I just returned from a ride over the Mt Rose highway to Lake Tahoe and back Rt 50 down into Carson. The predominant thought I had during parts of the trip were how hard it is to ride a motorcycle. A lot of bicyclists seem to poo poo the idea that motorcycle riding is tough. They seem to wear a badge of courage that they've pedaled to wherever and back. I'm guilty of it too. But for my bicycle riding friends who haven't ridden a motorcycle on the road I'd just like to take my short trip today in comfortable temperatures and give you a small taste of some challenges. Wind....out of nowhere a gust of wind can blow you off the road. A setting sun can be hard to look into when driving a car but on a motorcycle its really tough. Think Ray Charles. On my way down the mtn pass into Carson they were doing road work so the lane I was in was basically it for approx. 9 miles.. Trying to stay in my lane not knowing if the new pavement was slick and trying not to dare cross the center due to a huge ridge was tough. And of course there was a mini van behind me and for some reason he didn't want to pass on the right. Inside my helmet I was talking out loud telling myself to just be calm and breath. This almost never happens on a bicycle. A quick scare or a fall on the bicycle but the stakes are usually so much higher on a motorcycle. There are exceptions to everything so shut up. I think motorcycle riding even at normal speed is tough. On a different motorcycle note I'm still not sure of the wave. Seems like I always wave late because I don't want to be the guy who waves and doesn't get waved at back. It's cool to feel a brotherhood but damn that wave gets on my nerves sometimes because I then feel guilty if the person waves and I'm late......

Editor in Chief - Scott Russel
Editorial Director - Scott Russel
Creative Director - Scott Russel
Senior Associate Editor - Scott Russel
Deputy Art Direction - Scott Russel
Fashion Director - Scott Russel
Senior Gibberish Overseer - Scott Russel

Air Stagnation Alert and Charbroiled

2008-07-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

ALERT 1 - Non Precipitation Advisory
AIR STAGNATION ADVISORY IN EFFECT UNTIL NOON PDT FRIDAY FOR MUCH OF THE SIERRA NEVADA AND FAR WESTERN NEVADA
Issued: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 3:45 PM PDT
Expires: Thursday, July 10, 2008 5:00 AM PDT

---------------
Finally the weather has caught up with my brain. Today as I was walking to Arbys and passing by Burger King in almost 100 degree heat I noticed in addition to the smoke moving in from the fires the smoke from making the whoppers had somehow increased in intensity, giving real meaning to the term charbroiled. For a brief second I thought I had finally made it to hell and felt what it must be like to actually become charbroiled.

Realization

2008-06-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/MidJunemtnBikeFromJeffsHouseUpKingsCanyonAndDownAshCanyon
Jeffs pics...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/facilitybikeclub/sets/72157605754617891/

1/2 mile short of 36 miles and 8 minutes short of 5 hours....J-mo like a lot of people who live where they have lived most of their lives started to realize he hasn't done some of the bigger climbs around the area from bottom to top. When I lived near DC I almost never went to some of the greatest museums in the world. I scraped the surface so to speak. I won't bore my small readership with directions and details other than we started at Jeff house at 9am and ended at his house around 4.30ish pm. We climbed high enough to see Lake Tahoe and then around a bit and down a Canyon that is a part of our lunchtime rides. At the top of this Canyon on our descent it was so steep some of us experienced brake fade and we could smell our discs/pads overheating. A couple of hikers congratulated me on making the final hill before you make a short descent to enter the Flume Trail. When I told them I had climbed from Carson City they seemed to look semi-impressed. For fit riders this isn't such a big deal but I know some fit folks who might have hesitations at a 5 hour ride with 4 of it climbing. Ryans girlfriend Christine was tough as nails. Since I know them the least I ended up in nice conversations during portions of the climbs only to realize she was setting a nice pace. At one point 3/4 of the way thru the hardest climbing...the point in which little hills seems to take a lot out of you.... I was chatting with Ryan and Christine was in front grinding these climbs out and instead of soft pedaling on the rest parts you could hear the clunk clunk noise of her shifting to harder gears. She's got hammer in her blood. Probably comes from hanging around Ryan. In summary it was nice to do this suffering with this group of people. No mechanicals, no whining and just a sense of being lucky to have such nice surroundings to suffer in. Now that's it's done I don't ever remember suffering. Oh that's right...I just got the feeling back in my big toe. Gotta stop mashing and start spinning. Now when people say they climbed Kings Canyon to Spooner, up to Marlette over Sunflower Pass and down to Hobart and finally back down Ash Canyon, those of us who have never done it will have a response. And 1 final realization. I can still ride a mtn bike. I was starting to wonder. I gave myself an early Bday present with this simple realization.

Thanks Lester, Ryan, Christine and J-mo..

Thoughts

2008-06-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

Not exactly my thoughts but I read something in Bike magazine that actually wasn't the usual bike related boring bullshit. Mike Ferrentino wrote a nice article entitled, 'killing time'. In it he quotes Eckart Tolle...This is the quote that sums up everything to me....'To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for your identity and the future for your fulfillment'....Holy heck! How could all my random thoughts be summed up in 1 sentence. This article is from the June issue. I don't think I can add anything to this other than a deep sense of identifying with that 1 idea.

Jim @ Jackie G

2008-06-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/JimJackiesHouseAndOtherRelatedPics

This is a short story complete with pics of one of my circles of friends that I'll call Jim/Jackie....

This story starts of with Joe...I met Joe thru Joe who used to date and is now married to a roommate of mine back in the 90's...Both Joe's are bicycle folks and both still race. Joe #1 turned 50 this year and he's still at it. Joe #1 also turned into a good close friend and mentor to all things bicycle. Good friends tend to have other good friends which is where Jim comes into the picture. Jim started to ride bicycles with us and since he lived at the bottom of a mtn it was always climb 1st. I can remember him slumped over the handlebars at the top of the climb on our 1st ride together. I'm not sure if he vomited but it was close. I don't seem to remember him complaining though. Skip forward a few rides and he was good to go. Eventually his inner circle started riding and he kinda become the unspoken leader. He was the 1st to jump in and fix a problem for his friends to the point that I still don't think they know how to fix a chain. Many times I can recall thinking someone was gonna have to walk out of the woods from a mechanical and somehow Jim fused a rock with a stick and got the bike going enough to get home. Jim is also a lover of ALL things nature so if you're riding behind him and a new flower/bird/bug/tree catches his eye..get on both brakes. He eventually established a ride mostly on Wednesdays. For that ride all you needed to show was a 6 pack and 2-3 bucks for the pre-cooked Lidos pizza. After pizza and a beer Jim and the boyz would play music(see pics). After Jim/Jackie got their youngest son Jimmy into college they decided to travel since Jackie is a nurse and can find work anywhere. Since they were just getting their feet wet and weren't sure of places they might like to settle they offered me an opportunity to house-sit for them. I had recently moved back to Maryland and wasn't sure of anything so an opportunity to live at their place and be close enough to my mom AND afford rent was perfect. I really didn't pay rent in a sense. Containing 6 acres is not as easy as it sounds. I learned to drive a old, big tractor so I could bushhog a field. I must say this tractor is etched in my mind. I was always worried that #1 it would stop running or #2 it would tip over. I learned to use the barn for 4 days when the septic system got too filled with shit. It wasn't my fault.I learned that I like hotubs. I learned that if you're 90+ and still help shovel your own driveway your're tougher than I'll ever be.(thanks Mattie) I learned if you buy the wrong cat food they may turn to rabbits instead. I learned that teenagers can at times test your nerves but are mostly lovable. The extreme swings of a teenager is what sticks with me..predictable yet unpredictable..responsible yet irresponsible..I learned a phrase that I'll never forget...'Am I naked'! (Thanks Jimmy)....I learned that I can't or don't want to learn how to play drums yet I still like banging on them as long as I have headphones on(thanks Pete). I knew but witnessed that a house is nothing unless you fill it up with something. They filled it up with more than 1 thing but to me it was love and acceptance and like me they are picky about who gets close. Acceptance is not a given. (My personal thoughts are: I'll accept you but if you're cruel or mean you might get shunned or worse. They were actually more accepting than I think I am of others) I also received a new name during xmas 1 year during my watch. Honorary name(Scotty G) as in Griffin. I appreciate that. Skip forward a bit and they now live in Truckee and still rent their place in Maryland but for real money. I think its been too long since I've had a beer with them.

ps. I took my mother out to meet them shorlty before I starting living there and she was weak that day and didn't get out of the car. Jim and Jackie came up to us and talked as if they'd known her forever. I didn't get out of the driveway and mom looked at me and said, 'those are my kinda people'...Thats the short story of Jim and Jackie G as told by Scotty G.

My 1st poker run(Gonads n' Strife)

2008-05-19T18:21:00.001-07:00

Brent and Sandie were gracious enough to coax me(didn't take much) into to going to a bicycle poker run in Reno to benefit the Make A Wish foundation. They picked me up and supplied the cruiser bicycle. Although it's not necessary to have a cruiser it seems that's what 90 percent of the people ride. I hadn't been on anything with a coaster brake in probably over 35 years. With your normal bicycle almost nobody even cares what you ride but with these cruisers, it's almost like the car world. People will comment on things...'nice seat..nice paint job...nice this, that and the other'...and the cool thing is most of these bikes are cheap. Cruising and beer drinking. I was thinking if we were the last to make it back...but in time for the drawing that would be perfect. We might not have been the last but we timed our beers well. I suppose after a few paychecks I will need to see what kind of cruiser may best suit my going slow and beer drinking needs. There was one incident in downtown Reno. As the pack thinned out there were probably 10 of us in a bunch approaching a stoplight. Some guy with a radio station bumper sticker that said, 'Love 93' or some other shit on the back came from behind honking. So at the next light Sandie and ignorant ass driver got in a legal battle over how many abreast is proper. I think 2 but I'm not sure. After 3/4 of the words were exchanged he blurts out, 'I hope you get hit by a car'....I'd almost rather have someone throw me the finger or call me a wuss than say that...Probably a good thing the light turned green, Brent wasn't too happy with that and had I heard it I wouldn't have been either. But in a way that seems to be the norm with cyclists and motorists. Maybe all the cyclist of the world should unite and raise some money to supply the motorists with Valium. Seems the line from Cool Hand Luke applies to this issue, 'Failure to communicate'. I'm a cyclist and a motorist and I can't recall 1 time that I felt delayed by any cyclist anywhere. Sometimes they make me nervous as do motorcycles but as far as being slowed down to the point of being late for something....Never....So when I've had enough and start an outlaw bicycle chapter with leather jackets complete with lower rockers we'll see how many people sound off. Something about this war talk turns my stomach. Enough..............Thanks again Brent and Sandie!

rest of the pics live here.....

http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/GonadsAndStrifePokerRun

http://www.flickr.com/photos/22078619@N04/sets/72157605131521750/

Todd Sniders story of pitching a no hitter on LSD

2008-05-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sugCwMxwPRk

Dock Phillip Ellis, Jr. (born March 11, 1945, in Los Angeles, California) is a former professional baseball player who pitched for the Pittsburgh Pirates, among other teams. His best season was 1971, when he won 19 games for the World Series champion Pirates and was the starting pitcher for the National League in the All-Star Game.
However, Ellis is better-known for several bizarre incidents:
Beaning Reggie Jackson in the face in apparent retaliation for Reggie's monstrous home run off Ellis in the 1971 All-Star game in Detroit.
No-hitting the San Diego Padres on June 12, 1970 despite being, as he would claim in 1984, under the influence of LSD throughout the course of the game.[1] Ellis had been visiting friends in Los Angeles under the impression he had the day off and was still high when his girlfriend told him he had to pitch a game against the Padres that night. Ellis boarded a shuttle flight to the ballpark and threw a no-hitter despite not being able to feel the ball or clearly see the batter or catcher. Ellis claims catcher Jerry May wore reflective tape on his fingers which helped Ellis to see his target. Ellis walked eight, struck out six, and was aided by excellent fielding plays by second baseman Bill Mazeroski and centerfielder Matty Alou.[2] During the game, Ellis is reported to have commented to his teammates on the bench between innings that he was pitching a no-hitter-- in spite of the superstition that discourages mentioning a no-hitter while it is in progress. Because the no-hitter was the first game of a double header, Ellis was forced to keep track of the pitch count for the night game.[3]
According to Ellis:
I can only remember bits and pieces of the game. I was psyched. I had a feeling of euphoria. I was zeroed in on the (catcher's) glove, but I didn't hit the glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters and the bases were loaded two or three times. The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it turned to powder. They say I had about three to four fielding chances. I remember diving out of the way of a ball I thought was a line drive. I jumped, but the ball wasn't hit hard and never reached me.[4]
Attempting to hit every batter in the Cincinnati Reds lineup on May 1, 1974. In an effort to prove a point to teammates, Ellis hit Pete Rose, Joe Morgan, and Dan Driessen in the top of the first. The clean-up batter Tony Perez avoided Ellis' attempts, instead drawing a walk, and after two pitches aimed at the head of Johnny Bench, Ellis was removed from the game by manager Danny Murtaugh. Ellis' box score for the game reads: 0 IP, 0 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 0 K.[5]
On May 5 1972, Dock Ellis engaged in an argument with a security guard who barred him from entering through the players' gate at Cincinnati's Riverfront Stadium and then maced him. The guard maintained that Ellis had failed to adequately identify himself, "made threatening gestures with a clenched fist," and was carrying a half-empty bottle of wine. Ellis denied that he had intended to punch the guard or was holding a bottle of wine and claimed he was denied entrance (and maced) despite showing his World Series ring as proof of identity.
Ellis went on to play for the New York Mets, New York Yankees, Oakland Athletics, and Texas Rangers, then ended his career back in Pittsburgh. He finished with a lifetime record of 138-119 and an ERA of 3.46.
Ellis collaborated with future U.S. Poet Laureate Donald Hall on a book, Dock Ellis in the Country of Baseball, which was published in 1976. Although Hall knew of the LSD incident, it was not included in the first edition of the book; Ellis was playing for the Yankees when the book was published, and Hall worried that George Steinbrenner would react negatively to such an admission.
Dock Ellis retired to Victorville, California and a career as a drug counselor.[6] He was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in 2007 and currently sits on the list for a transplant.[7]

Happy Mothers Day......

2008-05-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

I sure do miss you but I know you were ready to move on. I hope you know I'm doing well and there are some folks who are watching out for me.....And of course Les and I watch out for each other as best we can given the distance. There are not too many people on this earth like your youngest...or your oldest for that matter. Thank god for me..hahahaha....I start a new job tomorrow and when I found out, you were the 1st person that came to mind to call. And it hits you kinda funny when the most important people in your life aren't around to hear these things....but there are important people in my life and I think you would approve of the ones you haven't met....Happy Mothers day momma...I love you....

2/3 of the way to the top

2008-05-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Patrick and I decided to see how far we could climb this doubletrack that follows Ash Canyon to the top. We had no idea how hard it was or how far. From what we've been told we made it about 2/3's of the way. Felt like we had the whole place to ourselves. Next time we shall crest this thing. Few pics of fun and suffering. Patrick reminds me of Cool Hand Luke in a lot of ways. Man of few words but tough as nails. I'm afraid to have him over for eggs.

When we were younger.

2008-05-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

Some misc pics and docs I scanned in. The 4 1/2 viewers of this blog will understand. The distress note was from Gene Gene who happened upon a friend who could hold her liquor. Gene is still a solid friend and the time we lived together was a time that seemed effortless. The condo mentioned in the complaint letter housed many roommates. It was the unspoken meeting place most weekends. Debauchery, but nobody ever got hurt that I'm aware of even though 1 night a friend of a friends boyfriend(who nobody knew...but he was 1 big dude) started a fight that ended in my bedroom. He was sadly outnumbered and as I remember it no worse for the wear when we let him up. I can still remember sitting on my bed as my other friends(Louis and Gary) were on top of him....and I was thinking, 'what's he gonna do when they let him up...he went home peacefully'. 2 of my neighbors got in a brawl in the hallway late one night and I'm sure I was blamed for that noise but I had nothing to do with that. Part of the problem with this condo was that the day I moved in I realized that a classmate of mine had also moved in right next to me and he had a whole set of different crazy friends. My pop on the left(baseball uniform) taken in 1962. Dad won the photo of the year contest in the National Enquirer for 1985. Some cake and laughter for me. Sleeping with critters is always good. Added a few pics I found to the top of this post. Rays(guy in hat on back of atv) bachelor party. We only discovered the guy hosting this thing had a 4-wheeler after we were drunk. I think this was taken 12 years ago and they are still married with lots of kids.

More here: http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/BlastFromThePast

Virginia City from the southeast side

2008-05-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

Took the road bicycle out today for the 1st time since I moved here. I figured Monday would be a good day to do this climb as opposed to the weekend. All went well. I made it, albeit slowly. Few pics from the climb.

Anyway

2008-04-30T18:52:00.001-07:00

Something passed from father to son. (Written by Kent M. Keith)
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"Anyway"

People are unreasonable, illogical and self centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for some underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you've got,

Anyway

From Sarge to Scott R

2008-04-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

First of all I want to say that Sarge was a name given to me by Patrick who unlike me served in the military and flew helicopters. When I first started riding in Carson most of the facility guys were green(so to speak). At first I was just happy to be riding at lunch let alone be riding with a handful of guys that never complained. At certain intervals I would suggest things because I was careful not to come across as some know-it-all-biker idiot. I would suggest that maybe we shouldn't race from the very start of the ride and that maybe if we didn't do that we could ride farther. These suggestions weren't really a conscious thing. It happened over time. I'm no bicycle wizard but I always carried enough stuff to get me home. Some of the guys didn't(in the beginning) so I was quick to help with a flat or broken chain. Eventually I got comfortable with this group of people and started to yell and joke with them about almost anything bicycle related..... and one day...Sarge....When I moved back to Maryland in 2004 I didn't really do a whole lot of riding. I kept in touch with J-Mo almost the entire time and as I was dealing with other things he never stopped riding. He got new Sarges and started riding farther and eventually commuting. I just want to thank him for keeping me in the loop even when I was 2600 miles away and continuing to keep me in the loop when I moved back mid March. I'm now just happy to be one of the pack and I say that with all sincerity. No offense to Patrick but Scott R will be fine if there are more than 1 of us around.

In an effort to be wishy washy this is a pic of my sister Leslie(taken the night before I headed west) who is the most important person on this earth to me. Here are some excerpts from a birthday blog she wrote to me last year concering when we were kids...I suppose Sarge really is buried in there somewhere but I'm happy to let it go...................

He decided to toughen up his little sister and made her do "stuff" that she might not have been exactly ready for. Instance #1--"Les, just ride this skateboard down this big hill (although you don't ride skateboards)...do it.. you can do it!" Les takes her big brother's encouragement, starts down the hill, and doesn't understand why the skateboard is wobbling at a frightful pace the faster she goes.. ..she goes flying off of it and nothing but the pavement and her skin is there to stop her. Scott greets her with happy celebration as he scrapes her off the bloody road.
He eventually started to like his little sister slowly. He met her at another physical challenge telling her to get on a bike and jump a creek. He psychologically prepared her and told her "Mike Siglers little sister would do it". So Leslie got a good running start on the bike, hit the ramp, went over the creek and flew gracefully over the handlebars having them crush her right in the diaphram. She lay on the ground and Scott met her exuberantly as she tried to breathe. He said she did "good" and she was thrilled with his approval as she gasped for air.

........................................

Cheers to friendship, tolerance and understading....As in life, these things are most appreciated in cycling.

Liggettisms

2008-04-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Too much downtime...I thought these quotes from Phil Liggett sum up the pic nicely...Thanks Mike.

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"He's wearing the mask of pain"

"The elastic has snapped."

"... his legs have turned to rubber and his effort reduced to mere survival."

"He's turned himself inside-out!"

Bridge to engine room-more power. There is no more"

Mid April happenings.

2008-04-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

4 the 4 1/2 people who read this I thought I'd post a few pics of Lake Tahoe and give a quick update. Ellie was out last week and arrived in one piece after being stuck at DFW for 9 hours. Seems the FAA wants to get back to the business of making sure planes are safe and they've decided to take a hard line approach which means thousands of planes have been grounded for inspections. Whatever keeps me safe in sky I suppose. Anyway, we had a lot of fun exploring the area. Even though I worked in Carson City previously I am not familiar with the bars/restaurants/casinos here so we made a good effort in that regard. I had another pit bull encounter on a short ride we did behind the apts. Same dog but this time he was hiding in the sagebrush and when he jumped from the bush his big head was at my little leg in a nanosecond. It scared me so bad I fell off my bike but I think that satisfied the dog because he didn't attack me. I don't think there was enough meat on my leg for him. I need to find a way to make friends with this dog. Sunday Jeff took me on a ride and I was the slowest person by far but they didn't seem to mind. It will take some time for me to get in shape so I realize the back of the pack is better than what I was doing....which was nothing...We crossed a flock of sheep on the ride(see video) which was cool. Today against my better judgment I decided to ride the motorcycle around Lake Tahoe. This in and of itself isn't a big deal but there was a severe wind warning. I was getting tossed around a bit but nothing that scared me until coming back into Carson. A gust almost blew me off the road. 1st time that's ever happened. I got to see a big coyote pass in front of me too which was cool. As I write this I have my music loud because my dumb ass neighbor has wind chimes. I decided instead of telling her I would play my music loud enough to disturb the person beneath me and cause a chain reaction of apt living grumpiness. Next week I will take a test for a public dispatcher. Imagine calling me and getting my Dave Chappelle voice, 'stay calm bitcccchesss'...That's it in a nutshell You can now go back to your regularly scheduled programming. If your interested in pics look at the albums in picasaweb.

Trash Night

2008-03-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm settled a bit I wanted to get back in the swing of lunch riding. On my 3rd time out it was just Jeff and me so he decided that we would explore a bit. I know I'm outta shape and suffering is a part of all rides but this 3rd ride was very tiresome. Very different from when you are in shape and can pick how hard you want to go. Anyway, he decided we would ride up a newer trail to the snow line. From that point neither one of us wanted to turn around so we walked up what seemed like a sheer cliff to get back to rideable trails. This climb and portage was worth it when we got to dry trails. All was well until we got back to civilization and the world of trash night. I was following just a little too close when Jeff decided to skirt between a trash can and a bush. I saw everything he was doing but misjudged the can. I clipped it with my handlebar and was sent flying thru the air and landing in a gravel driveway. The trash can never moved! Hardest I've fallen in years. All was well aside from some bruises and blood and even though I know it wasn't Jeffs fault, I blame him. He tried to kill me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I have pictures.

Moved

2008-03-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

I made the journey in 1 piece. We packed the truck Thursday and I started off at around 10am on Friday. The first part of the trip was spent getting used to the truck. I discovered that the brakes would overheat easily navigating the western part of Maryland so that didn't make me so comfortable thinking about the mountain ranges in the west. Ohio was mostly 1 big rain storm. Indiana was ok until I got to Indianapolis. My mapquest had me go the wrong way on their little beltway in search of route 74 which would take me north through Illinois and connect to Int 80. While driving around this beltway thinking I may be a bit lost I decided to pull into a new car dealership and look at the map. While looking at the map I noticed out of my side mirrors that 2 guys appearing to be salesman were behind the truck looking at me yet they weren't moving AND they seemed to be smiling as if they knew I was lost. Then I thought I saw one of them move. At some point I got out of the truck to ask a passer-by and realized the 2 guys were painted on the side of a moving truck. This is when I knew it wouldn't be long before I needed rest. I eventually found Int 74 and decided to pull into a rest area and climb into the back of Hotel Subaru. This 1st nap didn't take so within an hour I was driving again. This went on through the night 2 more times. Saturday had me making Iowa, Nebraska and the beginning of Wyoming. At some point in Nebraska I began to realize just what I had done with my decision to move again. I had been so busy getting to that point that it didn't sink in quite as deep as I felt around the middle of Nebraska. Your pulling everything you own and leaving people you love. I felt alone for a lot of miles but towards the end of Nebraska the road smoothed and so did the music on the radio. It was almost surreal watching the sun go down and losing that questioning feeling I had been struggling with. This is when the new hurdle started. I stopped in Wyoming and filled up for the millionth time.(avg of 6 mpg) and decided to try for a nap. This nap also didn't take so I headed into the night. Made Cheyenne and started up the mountain range just outside the city when the snow hit. I was about 1/2 way up the mtn when I spotted a truck parking area with no services. (I had to #2 behind a snow fence at some point during the foggy night...no choice but what a rejoice) When I pulled in it was about 1/2 full. Maybe 25 trucks. I climbed in the back of my car and proceeded to have happy hour which consisted of 1 Sierra Pale ale. I quickly fell asleep with 2 blankets and 5 pillows covering me. Now I was car camping in the middle of winter. When I woke up in the middle of the night I realized snow was no longer the problem as fog and ice and taken the top spot and the parking lot was full. I decided to stay in the Subaru until morning at which point the fog was still thick. After some calls to Pam(master of the highway cams) we decided as bad as it looked it was only gonna get worse so around 9am I headed out of the comfort of Hotel Subaru. Once I told my parking space neighbor of my plans she decided to follow me up the mtn in a minivan. Up and over and blue skies that didn't last. It snowed most of the way through Wyoming and there were a handful of serious looking Tractor Trailer crashes that happened hours before I passed as cranes were already there. Around the middle of Wyoming there was a tunnel through the mtn that couldn't have been more than 200 yards long. It had a sign flashing, 'ICE in Tunnel..Slow Down') so I slowed to around 40mph but when I hit that tunnel I realized it wasn't slow enough. I hit the brakes and felt the truck slide. Aside from a butt puckerage that hasn't subsided 100 percent nothing happened. Thankfully, nobody was stopped in the tunnel. Utah was a breath of fresh air. No issues and as the pics show Pam and Tom took care of me well. After some nice homemade pizza, beers and shots of liquor 43 I headed off to bed. After many hugs goodbye they saw me off to bright blue skies which lasted the entire trip through Nevada. After getting a room at the Peppermill I met Albert and Amy for some slot machine action and when they left I hit the roulette table until midnight again after shots of this that and the other. Tuesday after I completed all my rental paperwork Albert came down and helped me unload this truck. He's still strong as an Ox but we did have to call J-Mo for assistance with the TV and bed. So, I'm here and that's about all I really know. ps....Thanks to Joe Hager for his expert packing job. Nothing broke!

What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing.

2008-03-11T11:46:00.000-07:00

Wrapping up the loose ends. Changing the address's on all my accounts. Note: If possible change all credit card stuff online because when they get you on the phone they don't want to let you hang up. I almost got in a shouting match yesterday with an arrogant rep. Bugs has been adjusting to his new mom. Ellie has agreed to adopt him and he's loves her very much. Mom would be happy about this. I really grew to love him. He just showed up one summer day while my sisters were arguing in the backyard and he never left. Turns out he had been de-clawed in the front and neutered. His teeth work well though as he bit me a few times before I realized he didn't like anyone messin with his lower half. I can't blame him. What else. Ohh, yesterday I received the dreaded letter from the IRS stating I owe 14k from 2006. I don't think my Subaru has ever gone that fast in such a short amount of time as I went to H/R block. They fahqed up so I don't owe anything. Although I knew there is no way I could have owed that much money it still makes you nervous. I pick up the moving truck Thursday and hope to be on the road Friday. If not, Saturday will be fine. I'm really happy gas is at an all time high. Just great. Once I land I may never get in a car again! I've said a lot of goodbyes but missed a few too. I appreciate the people who've helped me through the darkness of the past few years. There are many. Ellie saw the worst of it without a doubt. I'm sure she had no idea she was signing up for some old wooden roller coaster ride that never seemed to stop shaking...................Included are some pics of my mess and Ellie with her new son. Tom Petty coined it pretty well...
--------------------------------------------
Its time to move on, time to get going

What lies ahead I have no way of knowing

But under my feet, baby, grass is growing

Its time to move on, it s time to get going...

Broken skyline, movin through the airport

Shes an honest defector

Conscientious objector

Now her own protector...

Broken skyline, which way to love land

Which way to something better

Which way to forgiveness

Which way do, I go...

Its time to move on, time to get going

What lies ahead I have no way of knowing

But under my feet, baby, grass is growing

Its time to move on, its time to get going...

Sometime later, getting the words wrong

Wasting the meaning, and losing the rhyme

Nauseous adrenaline

Like breakin up a dog fight

Like a deer in the headlights

Frozen in real time

Im losing my mind...

Its time to move on, time to get going

What lies ahead I have no way of knowing

But under my feet, baby, grass is growing

Its time to move on, its time to get going

Desiderata

2008-01-29T15:58:00.000-08:00

Worth repeating. I've read this many times over the years but it always seems to sum things up nicely.

-------------
Desiderata Card

************
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars, you have the right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Turn the Page

2008-01-07T13:43:00.000-08:00

Its been about 3 months since I quit my job. In that time I've taken a few trips, gotten my sleep schedule completely out of whack and fallen further out of shape. Not what I expected. I was able to get moms house ready for sale and that's the reason I quit in the 1st place so all was not lost. Today they put a sign in the front yard. Anyone who's ever done this before probably knows the mixed emotions that you're faced with. Anyone who knows me knows I've been whining about it for some time. When I move back to Nevada that will be a total of 9 housing changes in 7 years. If all goes well I will have to move again as I am looking to rent until I get my bearings and then buy something. I don't have much to move anymore which should make it fairly easy but leaving people you care about is never easy. Thank god for email! As my father used to say, 'Nothings easy' and so that statement sums up how I feel right now.

Weekend with Brian/Helen in Dallas.

2007-11-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics from my weekend with Brian and Helen. A few months ago before Pat Monahan started the tour he was practicing some of his new songs in small NYC bars. Helen and her sisters just happened to be at the right place at the right time and catch a short show. After that particular show Pat, Luis and Jerry were milling about asking for opinions on the new songs and such and struck up a conversation with Helen and company. They were gracious enough to give them some after show passes for the Dallas concert. When I mentioned I wanted to go B&H wasted no time in finding me a flight and using their miles to get me to Dallas.(Thanks for the weekend!) It was a good show and nice to get a little glimpse into what must be a hectic lifestyle.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

2007-11-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics from yesterdays spreading of our parents ashes. They wanted them to be spread in Harpers Ferry off of Jefferson Rock overlooking the Shenandoah River. Leslie also wrote the lyrics to the Bruce Springsteen song, 'Across the Border' and tore that into little pieces to go with the ashes. This song was important in that she and dad played it over and over a few days before he passed. He was playing harmonica and she guitar. The lyrics also bring to mind that they will be together again. We had been somewhat avoiding this task for whatever reason but as it turned out dads birthday was yesterday and there was a break in the weather so we decided to go at the last minute. This ended up being a nice experience and not sad in the least. As always when hanging with Leslie there will be laughter and I think mom and dad would have wanted it that way. Ellie and Sheila also made the experience that much better. Dad never got a chance to know them but I'm certain he would have loved em both.

Across the Border

-------------------

Tonight my bag is packed.

Tomorrow I'll walk these tracks.

That'll lead me across the border.

Tomorrow my love and I.

Will sleep 'neath auburn skies.

Somewhere across the border.

We'll leave behind my dear.

The pain and sadness we found here.

And we'll drink from the Bravo's muddy waters.

Where the sky grows grey and white.

We'll meet on the other side.

There across the border.

For you I'll build a house.

High up on a grassy hill.

Somewhere across the border.

Where pain and memory.

Pain and memory have been stilled.

There across the border.

And sweet blossoms fill the air.

Pastures of gold and green.

Roll down into cool clear waters.

And in your arms 'neath open skies.

I'll kiss the sorrow from your eyes.

There across the border.

Tonight we'll sing the songs.

I'll dream of you my corazon.

And tomorrow my heart will be strong.

And may the saints' blessings and grace.

Carry me safely into your arms.

There across the border.

For what are we.

Without hope in our hearts.

That someday we'll drink from God's blessed waters.

And eat the fruit from the vine.

I know love and fortune will be mine.

Somewhere across the border.

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http://youtube.com/watch?v=EHNlq0AWr_E

Blackwater Falls

2007-11-05T05:58:00.001-08:00

We rented a small cabin up in Blackwater Falls State Park(Davis, West Virginia) for the weekend. The deer for the most part are not afraid of people. This place rates 5 starts in the Scott rating system.

Baltimore Ichibahn Chimenea and Soul Food

2007-10-31T13:36:00.000-07:00

Monday night I went to Baltimore and hung with Leslie. She worked late, stopped by the grocery store and picked up all the stuff to make lasagna AND made it just like my mother. We drank Jim Beam until midnight and then she fixed up a nice bed on the couch with her babies. They didn't sleep with me all night but they made sure I was asleep before they went to lay with their momma. Baby 'Hollywood Chris' does not like feet.

Gary and Panagiotas wedding

2007-10-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

I went to a very nice/fun wedding this weekend in Florida. Here are some pics and vids. Thanks Gary and Panagiota!

The Rocks

2007-10-01T13:19:00.001-07:00

Went to a place Ellie used to hang out as a teenager. Its called, 'The Rocks'. I'm not sure how the rocks got there. I'm sure somebody knows but I don't. My legs where like rubber when I got back to the car. I will re-visit the rocks again.

2 Weeks Notice

2007-10-01T13:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. XXX:

: Letter of Resignation

Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am leaving my position with Marriott on October 4, 2007. Thank you for the opportunities you have provided me during my time with the company. If I can be of any assistance during this transition, please let me know. Sincerely, Scott Russel
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Most people don't quit a job unless they have another job lined up. Suppose it would be nice to have a real plan but I don't. I have a loose plan. I wanna get healthy again, get my own place and regain control of my brain. It's probably another 2 steps back, 1 step forward process for me. It is, what it is. I feel like I've met some good people at my current job and hope that I can keep in touch no matter where I end up....Cheers to a decision, regardless of its outcome..(The income ain't worth the outcome)

If Tomorrow Never Comes

2007-08-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

Not that anyone asked but I want it to be known that I do believe in something. I suppose I'm an agnostic. Thomas Paine died penniless for professing his beliefs in the book, 'Age of Reason' . Here is an except from Wikipedia on his death.....At the time of his death, most American newspapers reprinted the obituary notice from the New York Citizen, which read in part: "He had lived long, did some good and much harm." Only six mourners came to his funeral, two of whom were black, most likely freedmen. The great orator and writer Robert G. Ingersoll wrote:
"Thomas Paine had passed the legendary limit of life. One by one most of his old friends and acquaintances had deserted him. Maligned on every side, execrated, shunned and abhorred -- his virtues denounced as vices -- his services forgotten -- his character blackened, he preserved the poise and balance of his soul. He was a victim of the people, but his convictions remained unshaken. He was still a soldier in the army of freedom, and still tried to enlighten and civilize those who were impatiently waiting for his death, Even those who loved their enemies hated him, their friend -- the friend of the whole world -- with all their hearts. On the 8th of June, 1809, death came -- Death, almost his only friend. At his funeral no pomp, no pageantry, no civic procession, no military display. In a carriage, a woman and her son who had lived on the bounty of the dead -- on horseback, a Quaker, the humanity of whose heart dominated the creed of his head -- and, following on foot, two negroes filled with gratitude -- constituted the funeral cortege of Thomas Paine

Thankfully we have progressed at least an inch since then. I do not believe in heaven and hell and think its the cruelest idea ever invented. That's as far as I'm going with this. Todd Snider sums up everything for me in this song.

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If Tomorrow Never Comes

if tomorrow never comes
i wont give a damn
if tomorrow never comes
i will not be afraid to meet my maker
just the way that i am
you cant prove anything but one thing is true
if you can steal from me I can steal from you
any kind of heaven everybody doesn't get in
wont seem like a heaven to me
they tell you that the garden of eden was perfect
but you couldnt even eat off the apple tree
and for heavens sakes look out for that snake
lying to your woman constantly adam must have scratched his head
looked up and said lord this just isnt doing it for me
if tomorrow never comes
i wont give a damn
if tomorrow never comes i dont want to be afraid to come and meet you just the way that i am
i cant do anything im dying too
if tomorrow never comes
tonight will have to do
i say i dont ever claim to know whats going on around here
i dont even know where im from
i know where im going when i get to where im going
what im doing when i get done
you tell me im forgiven if i need to be
i say permission ought to come that easily
im piling cores up underneath this apple tree
singing oh lord have mercy on me
if tomorrow never comes
and tonight is all i got
if tomorrow never comes i dont want to be afraid
to come and meet you just the way that im not
cant do anything and then you die
judge the judgemental and what am i?
aaahhhhhhh
either way im every guy i ever tried not to be
i want everything as good as it gets
ive learned nothing but that there is another sun rise coming
all but one of the times it sets
and if tomorrow never comes tomorrow never comes
if tomorrow never comes
tomorrow never comes
if we were all good people
we could work in perfect rythmn
if worms had daggers
birds wouldnt fahq with them

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Another snippet from the song, 'Happy New Year'

i dont know what we're doing here

you don't "KNOW" what were doing here

now christians dont walk out on me just yet

you know whose name im yelling as im clutching my chest

the one my dad told me to and his told him to and i probably pray as much or more than you do

believe? shit, every word i sing

but believing and knowing, those are two different things

and if your trying to change the way a strangers life will have to go

i believe this is where i wanna stick to what i know

which is nothing you know, nothing for sure so

just chill til the next episode

now back to the lecture at hand

seems like my neighbor wants to kill what he cant understand

i say we cant just kill what we dont understand but i turn on my tv and see that oh yes we can

we can and we have since then dawn of man

for countless gods whose only real seeming plan

was to see to it that clinging to life was our fate

and you gotta admit that lifes pretty great

but can we deny that its killing us?

More Schaeffer Farms with Louis

2007-08-11T14:02:00.000-07:00

A few short video clips from Schaeffer Farms with my riding buddy and good friend Louis. Here is Louis taking a shortcut through soybean field(yes there is a trail) to try and get in front.

Louis being scolded
Louis Successful!
Louis Creek!
Scott unsuccessful!
Scott still unsuccessful

Oooo weee T-Shane

2007-08-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

This blog is actually written by my sister Leslie on her myspace profile about a month ago. I thought it pertinent enough that it needed to be shared some more. Hope you don't mind.

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I wish this blog would be as funny as Deep House Dish on SNL. I love that skit... it's so stupid, that it's kind of addicting mostly because of Keenan Thompson who I think is hilarious and totally underrated. So my quote of the week is "OOOO WEE T-SHANE!!!!"
It's the only statement that feels right to me. Mostly, it's the OOOO WEEE part and then the TEEEEE-SHANE part helps ease it out. . So everytime I run into something crappy; that's how I speak to it.. at least this week. Today, Sheila and I brought her truck to mom's to get her bed and an outdoor table, random things and to clean up a bit. Cleaning out her house is going to be one of those little steps at a time kinda thing because it's very hard. During the drive there, I got one of those kid-like stomach aches.. you know, when you were little and you ate too much candy.. that kind of stomach ache. It went away and I was fine walking in the house, although I kept thinking the dogs were going to run out the front door as we propped it open. I had to keep reminding myself that they were gone kinda like when the electricity goes off and we keep hitting the light switches. I figured we'd tackle getting her bed "head on" so I turned up the radio, opened a beer and began my courageous journey down the hall. I walked into her room, looked around and saw the reading light that hangs just above the headboard of her bed throwing that warm nicotine stained lamp shade yellow light on her pillows. This comfy mom place where we read together, talked, took naps, watched tv, where she'd rub my arm or head if I was dozing off would NEVER EXIST again. OOOO WEEEEE T-SHANE HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN! I fell apart and laid on her bed face down with my arms out like I was hugging her whole room goodbye. Even though I was taking the bed, I was dismantling the most significant room and enviroment in my mother's life and actually mine in relationship to her.
A whole stage play could written with just that room as it's scene. Those walls have seen every emotion, every type of exchange good and bad during every season since 1980. I have had the best mom talks in the world there; developed really bad emotional habits there. I had my worst fight with her ever there. We laughed about things there. We woke her up and told her Dad had just died.. there. For the first time in years I cried on her there. I started to get healthy boundaries there. We were as close and as distant as we could be.. there. It just goes on and on. I can't even begin to process what the gesture of beginning to dismantle it really means. All I know is changing that room so fast today was like cutting in half the heart of the house. You gotta ease into that shit. OOOOOO WEEEE you do.
It's a Catch 22. You need (for estate court business) the house "done" and cleared out. But when it starts happening, sometimes you realize you weren't emotionally quite ready.... just yet... for that because you're still grieving (and will be the whole 6 months till the deadline). If you get too lazy and don't do it, it will get overwhelming. And if you do it too fast, you might just get overwhelmed. Basically, you're screwed either way. Have the Burden of the house or take the Pain of the loss as you dismantle it piece by piece. Each step or lack of steps is either the B or the P.
Thats all for now.
Cheers and Fahq You.. to the B and the P.

A Nice Day Off

2007-08-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

Wednesday Ellie and I saw Chris Isaak at Wolftrap(one of the best venues I've ever been to). Seems like I'm too old to drive to a concert and back these days so I got a cheap room close by(Thanks Marriott) and took the next day off. Cowboy Junkies opened up and although I like some of their stuff they are not a band that is good to watch live. Walking around with beer in hand and listening seemed to be the right thing. WE could still hear them. When Isaak came out he walked in a big circle between the seats and lawn and on his return trip Ellie got to touch him and his sequins. I'm not a huge fan but he seemed to be having fun and I ended up enjoying it a lot more than I anticipated. His band has been together for over 20 years and it showed. They were tight. We ended up riding bicycles around DC for a few hours then next day. It was so hot and muggy we practlically had the city to ourselves. Here are some pics.

Old Timers and New Timers

2007-07-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Today I met my usual mtn biking cohort(Ed) and 2 coworkers and a friend of Ritchies(Ben) for a mtn bike ride at Schaeffer Farms. John has been commuting on his bicycle for a little while so he had some fitness but is otherwise new to mtn biking. Ritchie on the other hand has not been riding and he smokes quite a bit. The other thing not in his favor was he opted for a mtn bike for his 15 year Marriott reward. 15 years of service and all they can fork over is some 100 dollar piece of shit that smelled like an egg roll. Needless to say this bike didn't survive this fairly smooth ride. Way to go Marriott. I told him he should have opted for the knife set instead of a bike. The one thing Ritchie had in his favor is that he is fearless. This can be good or bad depending on how fast your body heals. I'm sure with a few rides and a better bike he would be a fast rider. The first of many occurrences was watching John from behind as he frantically braked to make a bridge that was situated on a corner. The noise from behind was that of skidding, chain slap and a thud as his front tire went off the bridge and he impaled himself on the other side. The amazing thing was he wasn't hurt nor was his bike! Ritchie had a few yard sales and mechanical failures but he survived with minor damage. One of the main problems was his seat wouldn't stay adjusted so it was pointing up. I think secretly he liked it and all the fuss was just a smokescreen. All in all it was a good time and I think I've found 2 more guys to ride with(as soon as Ritchie gets a new bike or puts in 15 more years).

Short video of Ed and Ritchie Jumping a log.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=34IlQIFZVpM

The skies were angry that day my friend.

2007-07-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

Shortly after work and errands I was treated to a 3 hour power outage and a nice hailstorm. check it out.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QvDEUeMtGJA

The Longest Journey begins with the 1st step.

2007-07-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

Today its been a little over a month since my mom has passed. In some way at some times I really feel alone worse than I ever have in my life BUT today I had enough energy to actually go on a bicycle ride for 45 minutes. 1st ride in well over a month. It is what I would call a Wheelchair loop in that its not hard and you could almost do it in a wheelchair in the same amount of time it took me. So for my sake I hope I can build on this a bit at a time to where I can actually feel somewhat in shape. On a different note I would like to share something else.

My route for the day.

http://www.mapmyrun.com/ride/united-states/md/brunswick/606183873

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This little scrambled piece of writing below was sent to my sister 3 years ago when my father died. It did more to help me understand grieving than anything. Of course we our not taught what it feels like and it feels different to each person. Lots of variables. Most folks seem like they would rather ignore these things because they are unpleasant. I'm fortunate enough to have a sister who has walked through the last few years with me step by step and together we somehow managed to maintain each others sanity(just barely). If not for her I would be institutionalized. I thought I would post this piece just in case at some point you find yourself in a similar situation and needs a heads up of how "out there" you can become.

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This was sent to my sister Nov 28, 2004 -

Brother,
You've probably heard all of this before. A friend of mine popped this email
out to me today. I just wanted to share it.

I guess you know that among the other things that you and I have always had in
common was the closeness I had with my Dad and the often strained relationship
with my Mom... My Dad's death devastated me! It hurt more than anything I ever
dealt with in my life...but the lessons that came out of that experience were
innumerable - but I'm not going to get preachy... you will find your gifts, you
already have. I can't tell you that it gets easier or that you never miss
him... you will always miss him and it will always hurt ..but you do learn to
live with it and you will smile again and laugh again and play music
wholeheartedly again.... and probably no other loss in your life will ever
compare with this one, at least it never did with mine.... even my Sister's,
though the suddenness of that was horrible, there was a knowing that wasn't
there with my Dad... I knew that this was part of life - a hard hard part, but
definitely part of life and it's ongoing cycle...I was totally amazed at how
much it changed me, especially in the first few months... I remember being
pissed off at people for laughing, how couldn't they know that one of the most
important people in my world was gone??? My memory disappeared, I screwed up all
kinds of things, put the money in the wrong bank account, overdrew my checkbook
because I wrote the balance amount on the check instead of the actual amount
the check should have been. I was angry, I cried for months and months.... and
still do when I think about how much I still miss him... he died September 5,
1989!!! I am so sorry that you are in such a hard place right now, but I do
know how strong and resilient you are and just know that you are loved... and
your Dad is still right next to you and knows what you are feeling... he is
feeling it too.... I love you dear girl...

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Cheers! And never forget the song, "Enjoyyy Yourself it's later than you think" Whichever version you may prefer.

No crabbin crabbin

2007-07-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

This is the 3rd time I've been crabbing with Capt Michael Deener and somehow we manage to run into new problems each time. Today the engine died after we had set out all the traps. Fortunately Gene Gene the crabbing machine was tall enough to pull us to all 20 traps so we could retrieve them. He also pulled us down river to (fortunately) a close boat ramp on the opposite side of the river from where we started. Some folks who had just put in took our Capt back to the truck so luckily we got out without having to pay to be towed or worse, having to call the coast guard. Evidently that costs money. We had a nice expensive crab cake at a local restaurant and made our way home. Even with our failure it was a good day laughing with my buds.

Mom

2007-06-10T11:05:00.001-07:00

My mother passed away yesterday. She was something to say the least. A little bit of everything mixed together. I used to take her to Las Vegas in the late 90's twice a year and we wouldn't have a care in the world. Just like most folks, a lot of good times, bad times and everything in between. I can't put into words how much I'll miss her.