Amos Lee - Dreamin

"Dreamin'"

My soul,
is as open as the sky.
Often time,
it's just as blue.
People tell me,
I need to keep on dreamin'.
That's just what I'm gonna do.

Now everybody,
wanna treat me like a house fly.
Turn me around,
and tell me to shoo.
Wanna tell me,
keep on dreamin'.
That's just what I'm gonna do.

'Cause every moral,
has a story.
Every hand needs a glove.
Sometimes it's full of glory.
Oh, but mostly, it's for the love.
It's the love..
Mmm..

It's the love.
It's the love that pulls me through.
'Cause when they tell me,
keep on dreamin'.
Thats just what I'm, I'm gonna, thats just what I'm gonna do.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTrcYXdhxTQ

A year and a thought

Another year has said goodbye. In reflection I'm not sure how to rate it. Mostly good I think. It scares me to think of how fast it passed by. It seems like just yesterday Leslie and Ellie were out to celebrate Christmas and New Years. The super bowl is also right around the corner and it's hard to believe Brian/Helen were out to visit then. 1 year in time. As for me I'm still trying to co-exist with myself in some fashion between harmony/sorrow/anger/happiness. You know, life. Nobody gets out alive. Balancing emotions tied to memories in a world that mostly seems to be going so fast. I heard a quote yesterday from a movie and it says, 'Every day is a new problem to solve'. Time, loss and problem resolution. This leads me to something else that I recently discovered on the Biography channel.....A biography of Silo(pen name) who spoke of Existentialism and Humanism. To make a short story even shorter is that it struck me so powerfully that I began to see myself and the people I know in slightly different ways. In ways that don't define right/wrong. Each of us has to make sense of this place while we are here. I suppose I've always seen people mostly this way but now I had a real definition. When I look at my friends and myself we all do it differently. Having this belief allows people the wiggle room they need to find meaning without judging them so harshly. It seems that society as I know it wants to define what our life's meaning should be and I say, Bullshit!. Society doesn't like it if you're not wearing the right jeans, playing the popular music and worshiping the same god but my friends don't seem to mind. A lot of people think you're going straight to hell if you don't believe exactly as they do. How does this make for a compassionate person if you think the other 3/4 of the world is going to burn regardless of which extreme belief you choose. How can you worship a god who would do this? Ohhh nooo, something is wrong with you if you happen to show weakness as well. I'll be the 1st to confess that each loss I suffer at this point carries some of the weight of the ones before it. I didn't realize how powerful this was until December 2nd which is the day I had to put Reily down. I can't imagine what a young solider has to deal with trying to resolve what he/she has seen with a world that mostly cannot know. If you've made it this far chances are you've lost some loved ones, lost jobs, lost confidence and you will be weak at times. Maybe with the economy changing we will come together and help each other a little more. Silo seems to think that people will come together regardless of the institutions that fail and I hope he's right. Cheers to my friends for being the individuals that you are.

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Existentialism - A Definition
Existentialism in the broader sense is a 20th century philosophy that is centered upon the analysis of existence and of the way humans find themselves existing in the world. The notion is that humans exist first and then each individual spends a lifetime changing their essence or nature.

In simpler terms, existentialism is a philosophy concerned with finding self and the meaning of life through free will, choice, and personal responsibility. The belief is that people are searching to find out who and what they are throughout life as they make choices based on their experiences, beliefs, and outlook. And personal choices become unique without the necessity of an objective form of truth. An existentialist believes that a person should be forced to choose and be responsible without the help of laws, ethnic rules, or traditions.

Another definition: A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

Brian/Helen

This is Brian and Helen. I will finish this post in time but this picture sums up a lot that really doesn't need to be said. We're like the 3 amigos....You start with a friendship and maybe there are some rocky times but if you make it through it seems to become stronger. So we became stronger and over the course of time I've been involved in important times in both of their lives and them mine. Weddings, Funerals and Vegas. If that doesn't make you close nothing will. Vegas is a great place to forget and remember all at the same time. I love these 2 people. Merry Christmas to you guys and your families.

Reily...(R.I.P)

I had to put my baby to sleep yesterday...He just ran out of steam...Today is the 1st day coming home without him running out to greet me and its killing me as I type. He was such a gentle little guy. Always. He wouldn't hurt a flee. He had a long and good life and I'm thankful I got to spend the last few months with him. I will refine this post gradually as I'm able but for now this is it. I plan to add our videos here too.....I miss you bug....

ps..the pic of him in the chair with the bag was during Halloween...This was a bag full of candy and he helped me give it out....

our vids
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http://www.vimeo.com/8008561
http://www.vimeo.com/7743947
http://www.vimeo.com/7479928
http://www.vimeo.com/7230076
http://www.vimeo.com/6875480

Since we loved this song...here it is again.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qz3VcLv2kQ&feature=channel

Reily came into my life in March of 1996. I was away on an adventure and Amy decided to get some company for Miss Maggie. When I got home he was still small enough to walk under her belly. I had been layed off from a job and had some time on my hands so I used to take the 2 of them into the woods for hikes. They were both slow enough running that I never put a leash on because I could chase them down. We got into a routine of waiting about 50 feet from the road and I'd pick them up. All I'd have to say is, 'pick em up' and they'd stop and wait. He kept that habit until his last days. At 1st I thought having 2 dogs would be tough but he learned so quickly and I think Maggie was a big part of that. She was always the bully and he the chicken little. He never did catch on to the bully thing. As time went on they might as well have been one dog they were so easy to live with. Maggie passed in May of 2004 but as luck would have it somebody had given Amy another Maltese and although she is no Maggie she was still company for my little dude. Another shock for the both of us was when I moved back to Maryland in the same year. He lost his big sister and his daddy but as more luck would have it he had a wonderful granddaddy in Albert. Albert loved him much as we did. When I'd come visit he still seemed to know me but so much time had passed it was different as time went on. Skip forward to summer of 2009. He had started to fail somewhat at this point. He'd lost a lot of his vision and being around a kid and other dogs was causing him panic attacks. Amy called and asked what I thought so on August 27, 2009 (Albert's Birthday) she and Big Al brought him to me an although I know it hurt her deeply to let him go she also knew she had no choice. I figured he could stay with me and see how it went. We had a shaky start but he seemed to figure out my house. He put on some weight and seemed to be happy. I knew he didn't have long and was surprised that he lived as long as he did. Long enough for us to get reacquainted and that to me makes all of this grieving worth it. If you don't grieve a loss how can you appreciate what you have....? The newsroom is still quiet tonight but I have those good memories and I know Amy and Albert do too. 1 last thing. I think dogs know something about when their time is near. Maggie waited(I'll use waited as that is what they seem to do) until both Amy and I were away and she died in her sleep next to Albert. She snuggled up and passed away and I think she knew that neither one of us could handle it. I also think Reily found just enough energy to live long enough for us to reacquaint. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Happy Birthday Pop

You would have been 78 years old today. I just want to give a quick thank you for everything you've ever done for me over the years. The #1 thing that keeps re-appearing is you let me have the ability to think for myself. No brainwashing. I've come into trouble in conversation with some of the more brainwashed faithful lately but that's the price I suppose. You had your ideas on things but never forced them on me. The golden rule was always your thing and has been my thing for as long as I can remember. I can remember you asking me if I, 'thanked someone' when a gift or meal was offered. I try to never miss a thank you because what once was just a habit to a little kid is in reality much appreciated by those who hear it. It's all these little things that are still here. I put my seat belt on 99 percent of the time even if I'm going 1 mile to the store because I can hear your voice. (are you buckled up) Leslie wrote a nice post about how you just wanted us to be together on the holidays even though the xmas thing is a commercial nightmare you loved nothing more than buying us things and making us happy. I could go on an on but I won't.....Cheers to you pop....I miss and love you.

All she do is fuss, cuss and moan......

I've recently determined that song lyrics are my scriptures. Music has always been near and dear to my heart and kept me company thru good and bad. I've absorbed a ton of information about musicians who've caught my ear over the years and 1 thing is certain...Sometimes these songs and lyrics come very quickly as if from another energy source. Read about Cat Stevens and he will admit he had no idea what he was writing about in certain songs but they had meaning to others. Shame that undertow got him to give in. Call it divine or don't but in my opinion if we're made in gods image why couldn't a modern day person be a prophet of sorts? Take it one step further and why couldn't anyone in this world who's affected you in a way you will never forget be considered a prophet? I don't think the word should be reserved for 2k plus year old men who we will never know through their own words. I won't go any deeper with this one but I think if somebody inspires or shows you a map of what to expect through their own experience it's invaluable and for me it's songwriters, friends and family and a stranger or 2. If you find your map in religious text, friends or a glass of wine...amen to that as well. Now go fuck yourself and leave me alone, I got music to listen to, friends to write and wine to drink.

modern day prophet(reily)
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http://vimeo.com/7230076

A good week...........

Started out the previous weekend with a Jackie Greene show at the Crystal Bay with Jim and Jackie G....After the show about the time I was drunk he appeared near the Roulette table with similar imbalances. See pics. Next week was spent chilling with Ellie which was nice and Reily got to sing for her. Some pics of it all and the lyrics to a song I took with my little camera in its entirety.----------------
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http://vimeo.com/7053290
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http://picasaweb.google.com/srussel459/EllieOctober2009#
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The poor man’s soul is a diamond made of coal
He’s trying every day to survive
He makes his way, through the night and through the day
Sayin: “don’t it feel so good to be alive?”

Ah but I don’t want to end up like him
For he’s down on his knees every hour to pray
Sayin: “Lord, I been so good, just like I knew I should
So won’t you free me on my judgement day?”

She speaks good French sitting pretty on the bench
But I know she’s only after his Gold
She looks so fine, it’s naturally a crime
But she complains that she’s getting too old

So she tells her mama, that she’s falling in love
With a rich man who can take her far away
But the Wheel of Time, make her change her mind
The hour on her judgement day

Now that girl of mine, she ain’t the gentle kind
All she do is fuss, cuss and moan
Well I tried so hard, but it ain’t in the cards
So I’ll be leaving her alone

And if I’m right mama, you’ll have to sing to me
But if I’m wrong then I won’t be in your way
And if I find myself at the mercy of the law
Won’t you free me on my judgement day?