The Longest Journey begins with the 1st step.

Today its been a little over a month since my mom has passed. In some way at some times I really feel alone worse than I ever have in my life BUT today I had enough energy to actually go on a bicycle ride for 45 minutes. 1st ride in well over a month. It is what I would call a Wheelchair loop in that its not hard and you could almost do it in a wheelchair in the same amount of time it took me. So for my sake I hope I can build on this a bit at a time to where I can actually feel somewhat in shape. On a different note I would like to share something else.

My route for the day.

http://www.mapmyrun.com/ride/united-states/md/brunswick/606183873



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This little scrambled piece of writing below was sent to my sister 3 years ago when my father died. It did more to help me understand grieving than anything. Of course we our not taught what it feels like and it feels different to each person. Lots of variables. Most folks seem like they would rather ignore these things because they are unpleasant. I'm fortunate enough to have a sister who has walked through the last few years with me step by step and together we somehow managed to maintain each others sanity(just barely). If not for her I would be institutionalized. I thought I would post this piece just in case at some point you find yourself in a similar situation and needs a heads up of how "out there" you can become.

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This was sent to my sister Nov 28, 2004 -



Brother,
You've probably heard all of this before. A friend of mine popped this email
out to me today. I just wanted to share it.




I guess you know that among the other things that you and I have always had in
common was the closeness I had with my Dad and the often strained relationship
with my Mom... My Dad's death devastated me! It hurt more than anything I ever
dealt with in my life...but the lessons that came out of that experience were
innumerable - but I'm not going to get preachy... you will find your gifts, you
already have. I can't tell you that it gets easier or that you never miss
him... you will always miss him and it will always hurt ..but you do learn to
live with it and you will smile again and laugh again and play music
wholeheartedly again.... and probably no other loss in your life will ever
compare with this one, at least it never did with mine.... even my Sister's,
though the suddenness of that was horrible, there was a knowing that wasn't
there with my Dad... I knew that this was part of life - a hard hard part, but
definitely part of life and it's ongoing cycle...I was totally amazed at how
much it changed me, especially in the first few months... I remember being
pissed off at people for laughing, how couldn't they know that one of the most
important people in my world was gone??? My memory disappeared, I screwed up all
kinds of things, put the money in the wrong bank account, overdrew my checkbook
because I wrote the balance amount on the check instead of the actual amount
the check should have been. I was angry, I cried for months and months.... and
still do when I think about how much I still miss him... he died September 5,
1989!!! I am so sorry that you are in such a hard place right now, but I do
know how strong and resilient you are and just know that you are loved... and
your Dad is still right next to you and knows what you are feeling... he is
feeling it too.... I love you dear girl...



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Cheers! And never forget the song, "Enjoyyy Yourself it's later than you think" Whichever version you may prefer.