If Tomorrow Never Comes

Not that anyone asked but I want it to be known that I do believe in something. I suppose I'm an agnostic. Thomas Paine died penniless for professing his beliefs in the book, 'Age of Reason' . Here is an except from Wikipedia on his death.....At the time of his death, most American newspapers reprinted the obituary notice from the New York Citizen, which read in part: "He had lived long, did some good and much harm." Only six mourners came to his funeral, two of whom were black, most likely freedmen. The great orator and writer Robert G. Ingersoll wrote:
"Thomas Paine had passed the legendary limit of life. One by one most of his old friends and acquaintances had deserted him. Maligned on every side, execrated, shunned and abhorred -- his virtues denounced as vices -- his services forgotten -- his character blackened, he preserved the poise and balance of his soul. He was a victim of the people, but his convictions remained unshaken. He was still a soldier in the army of freedom, and still tried to enlighten and civilize those who were impatiently waiting for his death, Even those who loved their enemies hated him, their friend -- the friend of the whole world -- with all their hearts. On the 8th of June, 1809, death came -- Death, almost his only friend. At his funeral no pomp, no pageantry, no civic procession, no military display. In a carriage, a woman and her son who had lived on the bounty of the dead -- on horseback, a Quaker, the humanity of whose heart dominated the creed of his head -- and, following on foot, two negroes filled with gratitude -- constituted the funeral cortege of Thomas Paine

Thankfully we have progressed at least an inch since then. I do not believe in heaven and hell and think its the cruelest idea ever invented. That's as far as I'm going with this. Todd Snider sums up everything for me in this song.

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If Tomorrow Never Comes


if tomorrow never comes
i wont give a damn
if tomorrow never comes
i will not be afraid to meet my maker
just the way that i am
you cant prove anything but one thing is true
if you can steal from me I can steal from you
any kind of heaven everybody doesn't get in
wont seem like a heaven to me
they tell you that the garden of eden was perfect
but you couldnt even eat off the apple tree
and for heavens sakes look out for that snake
lying to your woman constantly adam must have scratched his head
looked up and said lord this just isnt doing it for me
if tomorrow never comes
i wont give a damn
if tomorrow never comes i dont want to be afraid to come and meet you just the way that i am
i cant do anything im dying too
if tomorrow never comes
tonight will have to do
i say i dont ever claim to know whats going on around here
i dont even know where im from
i know where im going when i get to where im going
what im doing when i get done
you tell me im forgiven if i need to be
i say permission ought to come that easily
im piling cores up underneath this apple tree
singing oh lord have mercy on me
if tomorrow never comes
and tonight is all i got
if tomorrow never comes i dont want to be afraid
to come and meet you just the way that im not
cant do anything and then you die
judge the judgemental and what am i?
aaahhhhhhh
either way im every guy i ever tried not to be
i want everything as good as it gets
ive learned nothing but that there is another sun rise coming
all but one of the times it sets
and if tomorrow never comes tomorrow never comes
if tomorrow never comes
tomorrow never comes
if we were all good people
we could work in perfect rythmn
if worms had daggers
birds wouldnt fahq with them

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Another snippet from the song, 'Happy New Year'

i dont know what we're doing here

you don't "KNOW" what were doing here

now christians dont walk out on me just yet

you know whose name im yelling as im clutching my chest

the one my dad told me to and his told him to and i probably pray as much or more than you do

believe? shit, every word i sing

but believing and knowing, those are two different things

and if your trying to change the way a strangers life will have to go

i believe this is where i wanna stick to what i know

which is nothing you know, nothing for sure so

just chill til the next episode

now back to the lecture at hand

seems like my neighbor wants to kill what he cant understand

i say we cant just kill what we dont understand but i turn on my tv and see that oh yes we can

we can and we have since then dawn of man

for countless gods whose only real seeming plan

was to see to it that clinging to life was our fate

and you gotta admit that lifes pretty great

but can we deny that its killing us?

More Schaeffer Farms with Louis

A few short video clips from Schaeffer Farms with my riding buddy and good friend Louis. Here is Louis taking a shortcut through soybean field(yes there is a trail) to try and get in front.

Louis being scolded
Louis Successful!
Louis Creek!
Scott unsuccessful!
Scott still unsuccessful

Oooo weee T-Shane

This blog is actually written by my sister Leslie on her myspace profile about a month ago. I thought it pertinent enough that it needed to be shared some more. Hope you don't mind.

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I wish this blog would be as funny as Deep House Dish on SNL. I love that skit... it's so stupid, that it's kind of addicting mostly because of Keenan Thompson who I think is hilarious and totally underrated. So my quote of the week is "OOOO WEE T-SHANE!!!!"
It's the only statement that feels right to me. Mostly, it's the OOOO WEEE part and then the TEEEEE-SHANE part helps ease it out. . So everytime I run into something crappy; that's how I speak to it.. at least this week. Today, Sheila and I brought her truck to mom's to get her bed and an outdoor table, random things and to clean up a bit. Cleaning out her house is going to be one of those little steps at a time kinda thing because it's very hard. During the drive there, I got one of those kid-like stomach aches.. you know, when you were little and you ate too much candy.. that kind of stomach ache. It went away and I was fine walking in the house, although I kept thinking the dogs were going to run out the front door as we propped it open. I had to keep reminding myself that they were gone kinda like when the electricity goes off and we keep hitting the light switches. I figured we'd tackle getting her bed "head on" so I turned up the radio, opened a beer and began my courageous journey down the hall. I walked into her room, looked around and saw the reading light that hangs just above the headboard of her bed throwing that warm nicotine stained lamp shade yellow light on her pillows. This comfy mom place where we read together, talked, took naps, watched tv, where she'd rub my arm or head if I was dozing off would NEVER EXIST again. OOOO WEEEEE T-SHANE HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN! I fell apart and laid on her bed face down with my arms out like I was hugging her whole room goodbye. Even though I was taking the bed, I was dismantling the most significant room and enviroment in my mother's life and actually mine in relationship to her.
A whole stage play could written with just that room as it's scene. Those walls have seen every emotion, every type of exchange good and bad during every season since 1980. I have had the best mom talks in the world there; developed really bad emotional habits there. I had my worst fight with her ever there. We laughed about things there. We woke her up and told her Dad had just died.. there. For the first time in years I cried on her there. I started to get healthy boundaries there. We were as close and as distant as we could be.. there. It just goes on and on. I can't even begin to process what the gesture of beginning to dismantle it really means. All I know is changing that room so fast today was like cutting in half the heart of the house. You gotta ease into that shit. OOOOOO WEEEE you do.
It's a Catch 22. You need (for estate court business) the house "done" and cleared out. But when it starts happening, sometimes you realize you weren't emotionally quite ready.... just yet... for that because you're still grieving (and will be the whole 6 months till the deadline). If you get too lazy and don't do it, it will get overwhelming. And if you do it too fast, you might just get overwhelmed. Basically, you're screwed either way. Have the Burden of the house or take the Pain of the loss as you dismantle it piece by piece. Each step or lack of steps is either the B or the P.
Thats all for now.
Cheers and Fahq You.. to the B and the P.

A Nice Day Off

Wednesday Ellie and I saw Chris Isaak at Wolftrap(one of the best venues I've ever been to). Seems like I'm too old to drive to a concert and back these days so I got a cheap room close by(Thanks Marriott) and took the next day off. Cowboy Junkies opened up and although I like some of their stuff they are not a band that is good to watch live. Walking around with beer in hand and listening seemed to be the right thing. WE could still hear them. When Isaak came out he walked in a big circle between the seats and lawn and on his return trip Ellie got to touch him and his sequins. I'm not a huge fan but he seemed to be having fun and I ended up enjoying it a lot more than I anticipated. His band has been together for over 20 years and it showed. They were tight. We ended up riding bicycles around DC for a few hours then next day. It was so hot and muggy we practlically had the city to ourselves. Here are some pics.