Oooo weee T-Shane

This blog is actually written by my sister Leslie on her myspace profile about a month ago. I thought it pertinent enough that it needed to be shared some more. Hope you don't mind.

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I wish this blog would be as funny as Deep House Dish on SNL. I love that skit... it's so stupid, that it's kind of addicting mostly because of Keenan Thompson who I think is hilarious and totally underrated. So my quote of the week is "OOOO WEE T-SHANE!!!!"
It's the only statement that feels right to me. Mostly, it's the OOOO WEEE part and then the TEEEEE-SHANE part helps ease it out. . So everytime I run into something crappy; that's how I speak to it.. at least this week. Today, Sheila and I brought her truck to mom's to get her bed and an outdoor table, random things and to clean up a bit. Cleaning out her house is going to be one of those little steps at a time kinda thing because it's very hard. During the drive there, I got one of those kid-like stomach aches.. you know, when you were little and you ate too much candy.. that kind of stomach ache. It went away and I was fine walking in the house, although I kept thinking the dogs were going to run out the front door as we propped it open. I had to keep reminding myself that they were gone kinda like when the electricity goes off and we keep hitting the light switches. I figured we'd tackle getting her bed "head on" so I turned up the radio, opened a beer and began my courageous journey down the hall. I walked into her room, looked around and saw the reading light that hangs just above the headboard of her bed throwing that warm nicotine stained lamp shade yellow light on her pillows. This comfy mom place where we read together, talked, took naps, watched tv, where she'd rub my arm or head if I was dozing off would NEVER EXIST again. OOOO WEEEEE T-SHANE HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN! I fell apart and laid on her bed face down with my arms out like I was hugging her whole room goodbye. Even though I was taking the bed, I was dismantling the most significant room and enviroment in my mother's life and actually mine in relationship to her.
A whole stage play could written with just that room as it's scene. Those walls have seen every emotion, every type of exchange good and bad during every season since 1980. I have had the best mom talks in the world there; developed really bad emotional habits there. I had my worst fight with her ever there. We laughed about things there. We woke her up and told her Dad had just died.. there. For the first time in years I cried on her there. I started to get healthy boundaries there. We were as close and as distant as we could be.. there. It just goes on and on. I can't even begin to process what the gesture of beginning to dismantle it really means. All I know is changing that room so fast today was like cutting in half the heart of the house. You gotta ease into that shit. OOOOOO WEEEE you do.
It's a Catch 22. You need (for estate court business) the house "done" and cleared out. But when it starts happening, sometimes you realize you weren't emotionally quite ready.... just yet... for that because you're still grieving (and will be the whole 6 months till the deadline). If you get too lazy and don't do it, it will get overwhelming. And if you do it too fast, you might just get overwhelmed. Basically, you're screwed either way. Have the Burden of the house or take the Pain of the loss as you dismantle it piece by piece. Each step or lack of steps is either the B or the P.
Thats all for now.
Cheers and Fahq You.. to the B and the P.